One could argue that one could let go and live a simpler existence. Still after one labored and struggled to climb out of poverty in order to enjoy financial stability and technlogical convenience in the USA, to voluntarily go for less feels like crippling oneself. What can I say. I’m an otaku and an asian horror-phile. Plus old school books are a pleasure to read and touch.
Plus the wasting sickness has returned and I refuse to take chemo this time. Should have refused the first time and maybe I’d already be gone. Doc tells me I could extend my life by a few years if I took treatment. But why waste resources on it again.  It came back so heck maybe it is fate.
My maternal grandfather had a leukemia and treatment did not save him. And the majority of known family on my father’s side did not even make it to adulthood from mainly cancer and various other ailments. Even my dad had pancreatic cancer that spread everywhere else. Â
Sometimes one does inherit ‘everything’ from one’s parents. Wish I would have gotten his red hair and hazel eyes though.
Seems like this board has taken a small turn for the positive. Especially with many of the posters who seem to have found a reason to live even if it is day by day. And that is a great thing. Glad to see you all keep supporting each other and keep each other spirits up like a family should.
If they mistreat and abuse you it reflects their insecurities and not yours. Sometimes relationships end because for them to continue would be detrimental to one or both parties. Love yourself first and foremost and then you can spread the love to others as well. Live for you while reaching out a helping hand. Being an example is more prgmatic than actually solving others issues.
Nothing is guaranteed. It gets better and worse. And if you want to keep living that is just a fact that you have to accept. Maximize your pleasure and minimize your pain however you can.  Some mental states are uncontrollable because of brain chemistry. Ask for help and accept it so you will not be a slave to something beyond your immediate control.
Everyone has issues. If friends seem to busy to have time for yours, then maybe they are dealing with their own. Does not mean they do not care just that they can only handle a limited amount of pressure. Sometimes they may choose to move on because they feel unequipped to give you the support you need. Does not mean they are abandoning you just that their own humanity can only handle so much.
If your parents and other adults are abusive remember that not all adults are. Try to seek help from counselors, law enforcement, child services, other relatives or anyone to get you out of a horrid situation. Sometimes foster care is better than living with biological family.  And if you are a victim of bullying keep doing the same. Keep telling different adults until someone steps in because eventually they will.
Always remember that no matter how much you get attacked, you are worthy of living if you want to survive.
3 comments
Thank you. I’m dealing with the worst shit of my life right now but you’re right. I deserve to beat them. It’s just so hard and so exhausting because every day I get up and tell myself I will get better and I won’t let it hurt me….and then they push even harder.
It all started as stupid gossip and that’s fading but the repercussions are so severe that I just feel so empty and alone. Although they’re not really talking anymore about it, and they got to move on, I’m stuck in a mess I didn’t create. And the one person I want to talk to about all of it was thrown into the mess, too. But he’s moving on and is fine without me so I need to learn to do the same.
And I’m amazed at how strong you are.
This is a beautiful post. I am sorry to hear of your illness, my grandfather too died of cancer, my grandmother had cancer of the stomach but was sucessfully treated only to die a few years later from dementia.
I think you are very brave, takes alot of courage to refuse treatment, though i can understand why.
You have alot of wisdom and i can tell you care about others, perhaps more than you let on, the words you have written will give hope and courage to someone allowing them to speak out, stand up and be counted, get themselves oyt of the situation they find themselves in.
Without realising it, you will leave behind a legacy, it was a lovely post to read and i hope to read many more by you.
As always you have lifted my spirits with one of your great posts. You have so so much to give and so so many people need your wisdom and kindness. Please stay with us. Sincerely Tami