effort

i try. i try to hold on to you. this pain is just to real. there is so much that time cannot erase. my wonds wont seem to heal. you presence is just too much for me to bare. i try to hold onto your hand and let you say everything will be ok. sometimes you are speachless. not knowing what to say. sometimes when your not around i get into a deep depression and i wish you were here to give me a hug and promise you will stay with me forever. as i think about my past i begin to cry. sleepless nights and night with the sound of crys. i feel aloneall the time. like no one cares. i feel like im all by myself in this lonely helpless world. when your not here i think about what i could be but i feel im a failure and i dont deserve to be here so i should just let go. i have tried to many times to let go but you wont let me. i wish you would understand how hard this is for me to say. i am ill i do need help i know that but i dont want to be helped thats the issue. but i hate myself i hate my weight my look my style everything about me is shit i hate myself and i dream about dieing and i wish i could die in your arms it seem like you are the only person left on this planet that cares enough to stop me……