My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.
Tag:
Failure
Lyrics:
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just want to break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
–
All my problems
Loom larger than life
I can’t swallow
Another slice
Seems like my shadow
Mocks every stride
Can I learn to live with
What’s trapped inside?
–
I can’t escape myself
–
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just wanna break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape […]
Hello again everyone. Things have been pretty tough recently, I’ve been struggling to get out of bed, to eat, to talk to people. The impulses are strong. I’ve almost jumped off my window a couple months ago.
My parents are getting old and my dad is a little sick again. I feel bad for them because they have to live and put up with me and all my psychological issues. There is not a day where I wish I wasn’t born. I am turning 23 this month. I am not getting better.
I finally reached the point where there is no hope. And it’s not as dark […]
So far I’ve been chasing myself and trying to keep distracted. I’m failing.
My health is failing. I feel nauseous and wonky. I act as though everything is fine and my life is faultless.
My heart is racing in my chest. My arms are weak and my eyes burn to the back of my skull. I am restless and yet empty.
I’m failing. I just can’t see myself carrying on like this.
I’m so tired of being tired. I would like death to come and embrace me now but I am in too much pain to go and seek it.
Damn chronic illness. Why me? I would not wish this […]
I want to die…this time,this will be my 4th suicide attempt and i have done my research this time…sleeping pills first and then carbon monoxide from a stove or nitroglycerin overdose with alcohol…i will be 26 years old in June and i want to do it as soon as possible.
In short i hate myself for being a failure and pathetic trash and i disappointed a lot of people and it seems today i have disappointed the person i care for most…and i feel the need to punish myself,no sleeping,eating or drinking water for 3 days for starters,and it’s still soft.afterwards,the harder stuff will follow.
I’ve been […]
New member here, please forgive me if this is too long of a read.
No faith in me because of my ASD label
I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts here and there for the last 10+ years. It begins from when I was a small child. You see, I was diagnosed with autism when I was about 6 years old mostly because of my speech delays and have had problems from the get go. The teachers often treated me like an idiot, and resulted in me reading at a kindergarten reading level until I was in 4th grade because my parapro only let me read some dragon […]
I’m feeling suicidal. I’m close with my family so have put off acting on those feelings. But I have felt like this for years now. One day this overwhelming anxiety overcame me and my life has been at a standstill since then. I find it hard to leave the house sometimes, and haven’t had a job in years as when it comes to my first day at a new job, this crippling fear overtakes me and I’m too scared to enter the building. I have debt worries too. I’m really good at hiding it somehow since my family don’t have a clue about all this, […]
I’m old now. I wasted my youth being too scared to go out and have fun. Instead i worked at a crappy department store using my money to help my family out of endless drama until I was thinking about killing myself every day. So I re enrolled in college with big plans to be a art teacher. Today I failed the $90 Praxis exam for the 4th time. I was not even close. I’ve missed the deadline to be screened into the education program again and will have to wait another year. This is the only thing I’ve ever tried to to for myself, […]
Last night I lay awake in my bed thinking about my vacant, failure of a life. I think I have accepted the fact that I have lived longer than I should have. The first time I thought about suicide was when I was 20 years old.I’m 30 now. I think the only things that kept me alive and bothering to go on was that I was able to achieve some success financially in my now dissolved businesses, my family and the very smallest of things in life. But now things are becoming very dark. I think to myself that I really should have pulled the […]
So I do have things that I enjoy doing, yet I understand I will never be “good enough” at these things. Basically the one person that I told about these (because I wanted to try sharing these skills that I’m working on so I could improve further) told me that I shouldn’t work on these because they are a waste of time and that he knows I simply don’t have the “personality” to ever be somewhat decent at these. I’m curious if that means I should just not work on these again…. Should I just quit?
So I have been depressed since I was 13, I had a eating disorder (anorexia) for almost three years, I have social anxiety, I self harmed for many years, but now I am 7 months free (yep, trying to hold on) and I tried to commit suicide 5 times.
I can’t stand not being the best, and this feeling is eating me alive. I can’t focus, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. The feeling of not being perfect is destroying my life, I can’t help but break stuff, hurt myself, slap my face and smash my head against a wall everytime I […]
Not really sure what to do anymore. Just let go of my antidepressants about 3 weeks ago after a 13 month period. Didn’t make me feel much better and the side effects were bad so I quit. Suffering now from discontinuation syndrome which is terrible. Brain zaps, sweats, aches you name it. I can feel myself slipping back into the same dark pit I was in before I started taking them. Feeling hollow/empty inside again, pretty much feeling like a waste of space and unmotivated to do much. Got that view of life again. The one where everyone seems to have succeeded and I failed. […]
I wonder now and then whether I deserve this family or all the things that I have?
I was always a troubled kid. My parents never knew what was wrong with me. I tried to be like the other kids but I am always a failure. Teachers would tell my parents that they weren’t treating me right and by that they meant that they should put up restrictions. Like they shouldn’t let me waste my time in drawing or reading and force me to focus on studies. Or slap me once in a while over my bad grades. My parents did try that. But that made […]
my life is so fucking shitty that i cant even write it out into words. why continue? people stay alive because they want to live, but what about the people who dont? why are people convincing us to live when all we really want to do is die?
I failed.
I don’t mean that I’m a failure as a person or that my fiance leaving me means I’m not “good enough,” but that I failed to be the person that she wanted to be with, the person she felt she could be with. I failed to be the person she thought of as family, as someone permanent.
This is what hurts the most.
It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m the one left behind, the one who’ll take longer to recover (if ever?). She’ll go back to school this semester, taking five classes (although honestly, based on her track record, I suspect she’ll drop at […]
I can’t go on like this. Everyday just the same damn pain as before. I know, no one I know would even try to understand how horrible I feel. So, I also don’t want to bother them with something, they don’t care for anyway. Everyday I fake a smile. Going to breakfast smiling my faked smile. Being around my “friends”, going somewhere, smiling my faked smile. But it gets more and more out of control. When no one talks to me I just can’t keep it up anymore. People always knew me as the blissful one, well nevertheless that did never change the fact that […]
So, today I’ve relapsed into depression. I was doing really well, I really was…but now I am just failing at life. Or at least, that’s how I feel. School’s got me feeling like that and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m just a failure. I mean, I can’t really excel at anything but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Whenever I try to look up, the world slaps my face downward. It gives me subtle reminders that I’ll never get what I want, or I’ll never be happy, or that I don’t even matter. There’s always something. Maybe I’m still stuck in […]
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