I can’t help but feel ashamed of the decisions I’ve made in the past that have left me utterly trapped, confused, hopeless and miserable now. When I was 13 I was admitted to a psych ward where I was prescribed risperidone which I took every night because I was too much of a ***** to refuse. I tried to spit it out but the nurses gave me orally disintegrating tabs which made it practically impossible to do so. After a while there I gave up and decided to just start swallowing it. I now regret it more than ever.
Psychiatric drugs have permanently ruined my body, most notably my brain I am now 19 and my life’s been pure hell, emptiness and nothingness since then. I wish I would’ve refused to take them, even if that led to being held down and given an injection of the meds against my will at least it wouldn’t have been my choice to take the destructive chemicals. Now I feel like because I chose to take the drugs it’s my fault my body’s malformed and crippled and my brain dumbed down and foggy. I can’t initiate or start anything any more, it’s like trying to grow a tree without planting a seed, or a deaf person trying to listen to a song.