How can I do anything when my only known thought process is to allow myself to get bullied and stomped over. I truley believe I’m not worth a damned thing, at all. I know I’m not, I’m a horrible person. I haven’t gotten a true friend in the world. I ‘keep busy’, as I hang out with all these people that if they knew the ‘real me’, they would have left a long time ago. How do I live when I’m constantly pushing myself lower. I want so much more than I deserve. I want a friend, a life, I want a hope in this tunnel of nothingness. I want to be able to breathe, to say what my lungs have been fuilling up with since birth. Most days I feel like I’m drowning in my own hopless words. No one listens, they all talk over me, and that’s okay. I don’t have anything important to say anyways. I’m too depressed for friends, I’m too depressed for anyone.
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I like your id…the ironic thing is your not being selfish at all. Selfishness is a fantastic quality when it comes to your own well being and contentment. Being selfish is the safeguard for our peace, joy, and unconditional love for ourselves.
Apparently it’s time for you to criticize the criticism you’ve been giving during your life cause all you’ve done is taken over for whoever passed this load of crap on to you, & you’ve opted to carry it…you unconsciously made a choice & this is why you feel as you do. So why not…why not consciously make the choice to tell all the criticism & all the people involved to fuck off!!! Otherwise you will bury yourself with the crap & it’s in no possible way a reflection of the splendor that YOU ARE, no exceptions! This is an attitude you must practice, & practice faithfully for your own well being…it’s paramount in order for you to thrive. All you’ve gone through is ‘conditioning’, you’ve experienced the conditioning of fear, no wonder you’re scared.
Things change when you decide to make a conscious choice about how you want to feel. ‘Nothing is more important than, that I feel good’….start with that, write it down. And whatever negatives you were told, were projections from the people telling you them which in truth is a reflection of those people. People who truly love you…LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY and support you, and allow you to love yourself and live with integrity and empowerment for yourself. You have everyone elses voice in your head except your own….find your voice and tell everyone else to get the fuck out! Make a choice of self empowerment for yourself. You deserve it…it’s your birthright, and the beautiful things is, you can’t get it wrong.! Good luck. Skype me if you feel…. softsoul9 Cheers!