Im convinced that im losing my mind, …as each day goes by my mental status crumbles just a bit more. I’m so sick of being alone, but at the same time its all that I want. I dont know what I want anymore. I need someone to love again, . .Im going about it the wrong way, forcing myself into dates from online sites , and than feeling guilty afterwords because I dont want anything to do with that person again. Or just feeling ashamed. I am afraid of myself. Afraid of what I might do or say. I dont even know what Im saying anymore. Im so confused. Everything is so big. Every situation in life. Every person is so BIG! Full of this …. miraculous life and joy. It scares me to death.
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Online dating = never a good idea.
Try concentrating on something besides finding someone else.
Forcing shit to happen never ends well.
Very true, thanks for your comment juxtaposed
I wish I had substantial, guaranteed to work advice.
Alas, I just have life experience.
Hi Futile, I know where you are coming from. there are times i just want to be alone at the same time. All you can do is keep yourself mentally active. it works for me to keep my mind going it keep these thoughts a bay i get. Just take it minute by minute. thats all you can do. Find things to laugh at, it can help some people. they say laughter is the best medicine. Stay strong, Hold your head high. Take care
LB
I feel the same way. I am 53 soon to be 54. Gay. Out of a relationship of 14 years for 18 months now. MY mom and best friend died this year. The guy I started dating that helped me solidify the fact that my ex did not love me, promised me love and we found it wouldn’t work. I still love him though. I try, I am not lonesome, I can entertain myself, but I am coming to be truly alone.
My ex is in the house and I support the mortgage to keep our 10 year old in as normal an environment as I could. I have him 1/2 time, my ex half time. We adopted him when he was 18 months old.
I love him, but he;s all I am living for and the pain is so great… my psychiatrist I’ve known for 20 years says he thinks I am doing the best I can. Given these and many other major life events that I won’t try and list all of here.
I just can;t stand it. I’ve made my own bag months ago, bought the cylinders, attached the tubing and all, and ordered the valves as a way to make it more certain.
Now for the hard part. Hurting others.
People who seem alive are…so, so terrifying.
jimboston I hope that for your childs sake you can hold on a bit longer. I have a little girl myself and she is THE ONLY thing that keeps me going, The unconditional love she gives me is just enough to push me a little to try life. Thank you EVERYBODY for ALL of your feedback, every new comment here is another breath forced back into my lungs