Hello. I am 11, which is odd to be having these thoughts at this age. There is no age requirement for suicide. Anyway, I don’t even know why I came on here, somebody from school or my parents will find out and confront me. I’ve been suicidal for a few months now, and it’s because of school. I used to be a genius. I made everyone wow, and now I’m just a dumbass, as my parents would say. I’m in danger of failing the grade, and if I do, it’s all over. Report cards come out on Thursday. That day is judgement day. Problem is, if I fail, I will never be left alone. I don’t know how I would end It, but i’ll find a way.
Furthermore, I have to put on a mask of happiness. Often I find myself cracking jokes while thinking, “Why?”. I hate almost everyone at school, except a select few people. Also, everybody has their own thing they are good at. Good one. I have NOTHING I am good at. I’m stupid and can’t play sports. I am a waste of oxygen. I could be sitting in class and be thinking of different ways to die. I attempted drowning in my bathtub once, but pussied out partly because I wanted to write down my real thoughts on a suicide note. I try to like people, I really do, but everyone is an ass. One of my friends I have known all my life is beginning to get annoying.
The other day, I was extra depressed and just couldn’t put the Mask on. Everyone stared. One girl got me so pissed off at her because I was SUPPOSED to crack a fucking joke every goddam morning. Oh, she is also one of my ‘friends’. All my real friends are leaving next year, so at least they won’t see as much if I die. I am trying to keep using ‘if’ I die.
Sorry, you guys are the first ever people who know my thoughts, so I just had to get this all out. It’s probably really scatterbrained, but oh well.
1 comment
I felt the same way at your age, and even earlier on in my life, for different reasons of course. I’m still here, I know it’s hard, but talk to your parents, or your doctor, I talked to my doctor at your age, regular doctor. It helped, yes he put me on paxil, and it helped for sooo many years, It was worth it now I have a family of my own, see all the things u will miss out on! Yes, I’m here now, that’s only because I can’t afford my meds, and yes it turned out I am bipolar, but U have people who can help u, I don’t anymore, talk to them, U won’t regret it, I didn’t.