Why.

We may not have the exact same behaviors or triggers for acting this way, but I can definitely relate to hating myself for the way I act towards people I care about and wishing I knew how to stop. Trying to explain to people that you have no control over it only goes so far though. If it bothers you (and them) that much, and you admit you don’t know what to do about it, then I think it would make them happy to hear that you’re going to try going to counseling or something like that. Sometimes you have to accept help when you know you can’t figure something out on your own. Maybe even both of you can go so you can get both sides of the story and get some help on how to relate to each other and help your relationships survive. Because you have to realize, even though you know you can’t control it and you don’t mean to hurt people, from the other person’s perspective, it might not really matter what explanation or excuse we give them, all they know is the end result – we keep doing things that hurt them. Me for instance, I have a bad habit of being controlling or jealous in my relationships, my partners were never able to fully understand that it actually comes from social anxiety and low self esteem and not feeling confident enough to go out and mingle with our other friends, NOT that I’m one of those creepy guys who wants to hold his girlfriend hostage from the rest of the world and never let them see anyone else. But that’s how the girls usually viewed my behavior. Either they didn’t understand or it didn’t matter to them that my problems were really about my self esteem and not that I meant to be controlling, all they knew is that they were F’ing tired of arguing with me every time they wanted to do something fun. So if you really want to show people that you care, I think it’s important to admit that you know you are causing most of the problem, and that you want to go get help for it. Otherwise things can break down, people won’t stick around forever just to keep hearing “I can’t control it” and to keep accepting your apologies every time you did something hurtful. If you can show people you care by saying you want to go get help for it, I think you’ll be better off. Just my opinion. I’ve lost many people because I never change.