I have been sort of wrestling with myself for a couple of weeks over if I can kill myself.
I know exactly what I would do, and have concluded the best time both symbolically and practically and that is 3.08 am.
~ some history~
From around the age of about 14 I have continuly overdosed and poisoned myself, mainly because I wanted to die slowly and in pain. About 2 months ago I lost my job, attempted a more serious method of suicide, survived, was released, went out and was sexually assaulted, funny enough it was in the aftermath of that, when I got sectioned. I was safe in hospital and was there for 7 weeks. Then they released me 2 weeks ago. I had been attending Living Skills which had taught me my ‘survival skills’.
~the present~
I am sick of the skills as they only help temporarily and whilst they are helping as in I am not running off to kill myself immediately I am still left with the horrid depressiony pain. I have been trying though, but now I am at my wits end, I am getting worse not better and I refuse to go back to how I was the few weeks before my sectioning. BUT I know my cycle, I know that is what is going to happen and it will keep happening. I don’t really see the point in living with that. Sooooo…. I am not going to.