It is beautiful.

Tonight, I broke down.  It has been almost a month since I began recovering from a yearlong eating disorder that destroyed my life. No therapist, no support from family, just me. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am still going strong. Some moments are good, some are terrible. Tonight was just awful, I couldn’t get myself together. I was sobbing because I lost hope for half a second and I started thinking about everything. I just felt so alone.  I pulled myself together and knew I was going to be okay, sometimes we all fall apart. So at the same time, my friend is going through an extremely difficult time, so I prayed to God to help her, I told Him that it was okay if he took some of my strength and gave it to her, I would be okay. I told Him that she needed all of his attention. So after this, I was lying in my bed, trying to sleep. Of course, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. Then suddenly, my phone went off. Usually I turn my phone to silent at night, so I wouldn’t have been able to hear it, but I guess tonight I forgot. Turns out, it was this guy I used to talk to, last time we talked was over 6 months ago. He is the only guy I ever told about my eating disorder, he doesn’t go to my school, and he was really non-judgmental so I trusted him. Tonight we started talking and he went straight to wanting to know how I was doing, followed by asking about my eating disorder. I explained to him how these past few months have gone and how low I found myself before realizing I needed to get better. I’m 17 years old, at this point; most guys would stop responding to my messages. He didn’t though. As of right now, we are still discussing my life problems and his. I never talk to people about my problems, so this is a big deal. God just has a way of making things work, and I think it is beautiful.