I don’t know about any of this any more. I try not to get into this feelings, into this temptation to end everything but lately it has just become to much. Never have I experienced it this bad, to the point where I actually wake up in the morning extremely disappointed and wishing that God would have finally answered my prayers and just taken me.
I try hard for others going through this and I tell them to keep strong, just to hold on but look at me! I can’t even listen to myself! I can’t even hold on, It’s like everything I once had just appears so distant now. Everything I’ve ever wanted in life has suddenly stopped being what I want. Now, I’ll I want is to stop this pain, be happy even if being happy comes within my last few breaths of life…..
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I felt much of what you said in your last post was universal for suicide people from my point of view. If you’re able to write here or in a new post I just have one question- what is the cause behind your pain? When the moment comes for you to tell you would at least have one person’s judgement that may differ than others you known personally, yet not sure how free we are able to talk here… I’m new here.
The cause behind my pain is that I am very different from other people and self acceptance isn’t always there. I can’t see myself living a full and happy life the way I am because being myself will cause me to lose my family. A lot of society frowns upon people like me and that scares the hell out of me. The risk of getting beaten up by people who I ‘disgust’ is a pretty scary thought. I’m too young to do anything really to change the path I am on. I live under my parents roof and therefore I have to abide by their rules. Just a lot of my pain comes from the fact that I don’t understand why I ended up the way I did. I don’t understand what I did wrong to deserve the life that I was given. Often questioning my purpose for existing but I try and look at the brighter things in life even when it’s dark. It’s hard when you don’t have someone to talk to family wise because I personally believe that they are the ones that should be there for you every step of the way even if they don’t accept of support the current situation.
Silentblue@gmail.com – that’s my email in case you sensitive about saying certain things on here.
Since i haven’t post yet, I want to let you know that I’m not trying to save anyone as much as I trying to understand those that might not be understood by most people. I do not believe anyone should be force to live a life they do not want, but I also believe that some people might consider taking there life when they think there are no options when there is. I was and still am suicidal, I only be what this website allows me to be which is a ear to your problems, and perhaps a friend if you wish it.
Look at your situation, and ask yourself, when you older can you go to a place that would accept you? Perhaps you need to change something about you, or its others that have to change something about them. No one here would know who you are so you could take a chance to explain more or email me. I want to say more but I’m not a person who’s going to bullshit you.. so I wait on your reply. – stay strong
Sorry, that’s Silentblue@aol.com
I made a error twice, that’s not good…. my email is Silentblue84@aol.com – My head was really out of it yesterday and you was one of the people who inspired my first post yesterday. I notice how you was being supportive to another and wonder about your pain. I decided to write more post about my suicide issue and reach out to others who need someone to understand them at least for the short time I have left.