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weak inside

by woundswontheal
written by woundswontheal

My family is use to me being this strong person and think I will make it through but the truth is I’m not strong. The force that drove my strength is gone my ex and kids I hurt so bad know that I’m forced to look from the outside in. I will do anything to change it bring them back. I can’t do this anymore. If home is where the heart is I’m as long way. From it. I don’t want anyone else I just want my life back without that why live. I’m not strong I’m human I care I hurt I bleed. They keep me going the reason to wake up and make it happen. They were my strength. And that is where my heart is. The more I think of all that is lost I know I can pull the trigger it stops today no more tears no more pain I’m done. This is know way for a man to live. I worked to hard to see it all fail. Close my eyes and squeeze

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34 comments

savemefrommyself97 7/9/2012 - 7:33 pm

You donthave to close your eyes before everything fails. Open your eyes and work it back up. I dont know what happened between you and your ex and kid, but I know abandoning your kids is not going to be good for them. When their older more then likely their going to contact you. Your human, so yes you hurt, but you learn from that hurt, and survive.

If you ever wanna talk just let me know and ill send you a way to talk to me..okay?
Just think about it

woundswontheal 7/9/2012 - 8:10 pm

Is to late now I’m at the point of no return

woundswontheal 7/9/2012 - 8:14 pm

Its to late I’m at the point of no return.

donnieblackqwert 7/9/2012 - 8:17 pm

Then step back.

woundswontheal 7/9/2012 - 9:28 pm

I can’t ready to step toward the end

savemefrommyself97 7/9/2012 - 9:36 pm

Perhaps you should try medicine? I know as much as your ready to step toward the end…just imagine your kids. Fight for them

woundswontheal 7/9/2012 - 9:59 pm

I have no fight left inside me

savemefrommyself97 7/9/2012 - 10:09 pm

You need to find some kind of muster of a fight then

savemefrommyself97 7/9/2012 - 10:10 pm

Theres something in there that is keeping you..Otherwise you wouldnt have even posted this..

Just think about it please

woundswontheal 7/9/2012 - 11:30 pm

I posted cause I have no one to talk to. That way all I feel can be released telling my loved one’s and kids wouldst only make things worst for them all I’m going to miss in their lives its hard to be a outside parent when your use to being inside. Its hard to watch the woman you love the family you built with someone else sharing your moments. I can’t do it I don’t have the strength to do it or the heart my eyes can’t bear it nor my heart. It worse than death and I didn’t come here fir help or to be saved I came here to cry my last cry. To tell the world I love my .family more than anything and as a man I couldn’t take anymore. Losing them broke me no other woman can fill the void I have been left with. I don’t want another woman in my kids life or share them with another man id rather die than see that happen.

savemefrommyself97 7/9/2012 - 11:50 pm

That last bit nearly made me cry. I wish my dad actually cared about me…Whatever you do good luck. I wish you would choose to stay on because you truly sound like a remarkable dad and man

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 12:10 am

Then why do I feel so bad. Why do I hate myself. I rented this hotel room to die in it and that’s what I’m going to do. My eyes have seen more than they can bear. And your dad loves you he may carry around as much hurt as me. Men do that and pretend its ok when really there hurting inside really bad

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 1:16 am

Pray my children will get through this time I hate it came to this

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 2:17 am

There has to be something. Please find a way to get the strangth not to do this. Tami. I am here if you want to talk. I wont judge you.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 2:35 am

In looking down the barrel and drinking vodka. Hands shaking working myself up to the moment I don’t want help I want peace.

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 2:40 am

I’m not done talking to you. Talk to me.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 2:41 am

About what

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 2:43 am

Anything you want. Just talk that all. You dont know me and I dont know you so let talk.

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 2:50 am

What are you doing? Talk to me. Your scaring me.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:06 am

Crying and drinking going to play Russian roulette three time’s let God decide my fate

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:13 am

There you are. Where are you from?

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:15 am

California

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:18 am

First click a no go spin it again

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:18 am

Illinois here. Americans. Do you like sports?

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:19 am

Yes I do

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:21 am

I am still mad at California for taking Pujols from my beloved Cardinal but you still seem pretty cool.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:23 am

I’m a Yankees fan

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:25 am

Yeah they are the best but the cards arent to far behind them in championships.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:29 am

I guess so I really don’t wanna talk sports.

woundswontheal 7/10/2012 - 3:31 am

Not to be rude talking doesn’t help me. I want this to end today

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:32 am

Ok you name the topic. I am wise in my old age. lol. Quantum physics, vast differential. brain surgery. What your pleasure?

Murphy 7/10/2012 - 3:38 am

I’m so sorry I couldnt help you. I still wish you would reconsider your decision and give it one more try but if not I wish you peace in the next life. Sincerly Tami

EvilBritBrat 7/10/2012 - 3:48 am

this is the reason why I am visiting this site less and less… I think I am about to just stop coming here at all…

this is just too painful to read, my heart bleeds for you!

Just give it one more week atleast!!!
one more day!
one more hour!

you said you have children, dont let them loose there father… please.

:'(

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