Does anything get better??

Is thats it right? nothing gets better only worse. i been through my fair share of unhappiness.i cut my wrist and  let my soul to be taken i put my whole life into that misriable misery what else is there. do i not see the fastest method to just end this pAin this grif. i cant let death come quietly without backing out being a coward. im  not strong anymore im weak my life has fallen apart to where i dont have anything else to live for.i had a great life but i dont know what i did im the cause of this pain of being alone in this cold world. i have a good boyfriend but i let him down. i hurt him the worst way i can think of i lost our baby and now everything is coming to hunt me. why cant you just take this pain away. instead of just let my new bestfriend take its way with me. the only time i feel right is when im high. i am becoming this other person that i never knew i had in me. is drugs my only path to be me again? i screwed up so bad that i dont really know how to make things better..