And screwed up my hand from punching shit after taking too many prescription pills. I slept in my car. I’m tired, it’s always like trying to walk through quicksand. When I start questioning what the reward at the end will be, I realize it’s a big fuckin’ bag of dildos. We’re gonna die either way so why am I still struggling now? I wish somebody could just take me away from all of this, from myself, all the heartache, and make it better again. Everything’s just come apart at the seams, and I know I’m next.
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well at least you still have your car, that is better then nothing. No family that you could stay with for a while? Yea no real reward in life, only thing we have here is trying to find whatever bit of happiness we can, so hopefully we can find ways to be happy that really don’t take much effert. I think we all wish that somebody could just take us away and give us a brand new better life. Funny thing is most of the time I can’t even really think of what would be better. I mean obviously better just means something that would make me happy, but I really can’t think of any life that would make me all that happy. Well I guess this wasn’t very helpful sorry 🙁
That’s okay, I don’t think there’s much help for me, anyways, lol. I just want to be done with all the worry and stress of always having something be wrong, I can never get it right. Hurts all the time.
I feel the same way. I wish someone would just rescue me from myself. And I wish I could stop worrying and thinking about all the horrible things. I feel like I’m looking through cracked glass at the rest of the world.
That’s a good way of putting it. For me, I just feel further and further away each day. I want to give up so badly but I can’t, for some reason there’s always this tiny thread. I’m afraid I haven’t seen the worst of it and something is going to push me over the edge.
well you don’t have to get anything right, there are no bonus points for it. Some people get everything wrong and still manage to stumble upon happiness lol. The expectations are what kill you, and not being able to live up to them, the anger, and frustration, the worry and the guilt from that…
@WhatAmIDoingHere – You’re so right. All the expectations I have for myself leave me feeling disappointed constantly. It’s a horrible feeling to know that I am the cause of my misery, and I hate myself for it.
only thing you can really do Stabby is lower your expectations then, if you failed to meet them then you failed and that’s ok. So figure out what might be some more reasonable expectations for yourself if you can, and try to meet those.
It’s usually not my own expectations that I’m worried about.
yea but if you are letting other people’s expectations do so much damage is it really worth it? especially when all these other people with the expectations, aren’t doing anything to help you get back up on your feet.
That’s my point. I do everything I can in life but it’s not enough and I never hear the end of how much I suck at life. I guess it does have a bit to do with my own expectations, but what gets me down the most is all the negative pressure constantly being put on me when I’m just trying to get by.
well if they are always negative and never supportive maybe just leave them behind and don’t look back, well not right away obviously since you aren’t in a good position to do something like that right now but once you do get back up on your feet. If there is nothing keeping you there maybe pick a place on the map you might like better. I know that is a lot easier said then done but hey if things are going so bad seems like you gotta try something.
Iowa. All I want to do is sell everything I own, buy little camper van, drive around the country playing my guitar and working in coffee shops, and then settle down in Iowa. Once I have some money saved up and finish school, I’m out of here. Hell hole.
oh that sounds cool you really good on the guitar? seems like you wouldnt need much to get by doing that 🙂
I’m alright, I know some chords, but I sing well so that’s my suit. I’d like to try American Idol next summer, they usually tour right by where my mom lives.
haha American Idol might be fun to do even if you didn’t really think you had a chance 🙂
Right. I don’t want to win, I just wanna try it out. The plan was for my fiance and I to go and if I get my ticket to Hollywood, we get married there. We’re not engaged at the moment, though, so I guess it depends on what happens.
http://soundcloud.com/kathrrryn
awww Iris cover I love that song listened to it soooooo much when it came out. Everything always depends on what happens no matter how certain we think the future might be it can always change in an instant somehow. Have fun with American Idol though!
Thanks. Hopefully I get there.
I listened to something and I think you are very good!
Thank you!
Those recordings are all when I first started out doing covers and the quality is terrible. They’re all done late, on nights where I feel like this. ^^^
You’re welcome!I hope you get on American Idol.
Thanks, means a lot.
🙂
Yea I like listening to you sing, and I think it really shouldn’t matter how good you are at something but whether or not you enjoy doing it. seems like to many times we get the idea if we cna’t some how be the best at something then we should just give up on it. Like doing something for fun that you aren’t good at is somehow a waste of time.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. As an artist, though, I can say that I know how frustrating it is to want something to turn out a certain way, and not being able to get it “right” makes it less fun sometimes.
yea but maybe if you are getting frustrated with it not turning out the way you wanted that is just more of the setting the expectations to high. If you enjoy the art the fun should be in playing regardless of how it turns out. You don’t need to set any timeframe for when it needs to be finished do you?
Expectations and hopeful dreams are premeditated resentments when they don’t play out or matereialize like we think they should or could have.
I love how you put this lol, but dude, life is hard no matter what. The world sucks anymore that’s for damn sure & yes, we’re all going to die someday, BUT…there’s alot to living! I think you should actually TRY living, before you become so found of death.
Yeah, but it’s just kinda sad. It’d be nice to really have the sky be the limit, but it’s much, much closer. :/
yea well we all want to have that kind of limitless potential but we just don’t, if we did then it wouldn’t be the special thing that it is now. It is sad knowing that no matter how much we work at something we will just never get that great at it, but really its only sad because we want to impress other people with our amazingness. If we could somehow just make it about our own enjoyment without worrying about anyone else it would probably be a different story. Sadly I don’t know of any way to do that. Every time I think of trying something new its usually to try to impress someone 🙁
I’ve never thought if that before but you’re right. ):