” you gotta curb the self loathing that you’re getting from smoking weed. people from all walks of life have been smoking weed since we mastered the use of fire. how do you think our brains evolved so much further than the rest of the beasts on this rock? hippy cavemen that experimented with psychedelics of course lol in all seriousness though, why do you see smoking marijuana in such a negative light? i know that society has deemed it wrong but where’s the logic in caring about societys opinion when you yourself are so fucking depressed and suicidal? i pity the people on here who dont use their pain to free themselves from other peoples mental constraints. leave the demonization of marijuana to the closed minded and just enjoy yourself, or move here to canada where people dont care as much how others live their lives. live your life according to you and what makes you happy; be a little more self centred.”
i dedicate this next bong rip to the user who posted about their depressing trip to thailand. smoking weed daily is far from the worst thing you can do to your body. mcdonalds everyday would be inifinitely worse but that crap is legal.
12 comments
.. I feel like youre talking about/to me?
It makes me feel like a pathetic fuck to need the weed so much though, thats why i was complaining i guess. I smoked some weed before and I immediately have no energy at all to do anything. That is pathetic. Dont get me wrong, it probably has saved my life and Im not planning on quiting any time soon. I just feel like there should be another thought in my mind when I wake up and not either ‘I want to kill myself’ or “i want to smoke weed”.
i get where youre coming from cause i still struggle at times with those thoughts of feeling pathetic for smoking weed. i’m guessiing that, like me, weed is your main source of happiness; nothing and no one makes you happier. if that’s true then can you blame yourself for it always being on your mind? what you’re feeling is a natural reaction. if a person could put you in a good mood and settle your nerves instantly, you’d probably want to marry them. you want to be happy but you haven’t figured out any other ways yet. dont be too hard on yourself cause these things take time. it literally takes a lifetime to build an enjoyable life. i was recently told by someone that they didnt find their soulmate till they were 53 years old. i wont quit smoking till i can replace it with something equally stimulating, or till i learn to spread my happiness around in smaller portions(friends, family, hobbies, traveling etc). smoking weed concentrates all of your positive mojo into one place. again, can you blame yourself for wanting to always be there?
in my experience, weed takes what’s already inside you and amplifies it. it takes your procrastination and turns you into sloth. if you want a different thought in your head, you’ve gotta put it there. get a thought, smoke, then hop in the shower; ultimate thinking cap. weed can be a great tool, you just have to use it strategically and grow some discipline. as pathetic as it may sound, be honest and admit that weed is important to you and your mental health. be pathetic, because i promise that eventually you won’t want to be anymore and thoughts of how to upgrade will come naturally. once i settled into my own filth, i came to realize what it would take to get me out of the mud.
Erm… Is TPHG an acronym for Total Petroleum Hydrocarbons Gasoline.
You don’t have to tell me if it’s a secret…
Don’t give me ideas.I’ve got a litre of gasoline I could drink
let’s get sloshed!
Yes you’re right. About everything I guess. Though when I just smoked my joint I don’t want to get in the shower immediately. I want to just lie on the couch for an hour or so completely numb. I prefer it when I’m so stoned out of my mind I almost pass out and moving is the hardest task ever to do. But yeah, that’s not so productive. It frightens me a little (or a lot) that I have to go back to school in a week and that I will have to think. Which sometimes is impossible when I’m high. Which is what I maybe like most about the weed.
I don’t want to be pathetic anymore but the thoughts of an upgrade don’t come to me. its not just the weed that makes me feel pathetic. Pretty much everything I do. The selfhating and selfpitty is probably what I hate even more than the mental addiction to weed. I could not even really enjoy my vacation and that is just fucked up.
So what does it take to get you out of the mud? I’m curious.
Getting out of the mud isn’t the issue; it’s staying out of the mud that’s challenging. Finding a reason to live beyond marijuana is what’s needed because when you’re constantly high, your wants go into hiding and are replaced by your base needs(food, shelter, water). There’s no need for anything else because all desires are satisfied. Why would you want to work or go to school and better yourself when you have access to your own personal nirvana?
To stay out of the mud, you have to figure out what you want out of life first. School and careers, friendships and long term relationships, vacationing.. There’s not much to do on this planet and it’s all attainable(whether you’re high or not). Don’t look at smoking weed as a choice between living your life and wasting it because all it’s doing is enhancing your perception of it. It’s like a vitamin supplement for the brain, only the supplement is existential day dreams and philosophical thoughts.
How often do you smoke? Do you smoke during school/work hours? Is it that you want to be productive or that you feel you should be productive?
Getting out of the mud is easy for me because I just think that I have to work and maintain my life if I want to get high again. If I don’t at least hold a job and pay my bills and rent on time, then no nirvana. There’s also my 12 year old brother who I tutor/mentor. He’s neglected by our mother and left to be raised by the TV as I was at that age, so I think of him and endure. He needs the money and support so I tolerate the bullshit for him, and my “addiction” 😛
I want to be a pro wrestler for the WWE and get into a long term supportive relationship with a woman; I would easily give up weed for either. These are long term goals that I work at a little bit everyday when I’m not in a depressed funk. They don’t keep me out of the mud because the prize is so far away and not guaranteed. Because of my anxiety, I’m actually more likely to land a job with the worlds largest professional wrestling company than I am to get a girlfriend lol I have to be patient though; Rome wasn’t built in a day.
patience with yourself is key. You can afford to screw up and slack off now because you’re young enough I assume. I suggest joining a marijuana community like highdeas.com and get more comfortable with the thing you enjoy most. I’m wondering about your trip to thailand; was it your idea to go? Is this something you were excited for?
Youre saying a lot of intelligent things which makes me feel like I should say something intelligent too. But I cannot come up with anything, Im sorry, so Ill just answer your questions.
I usually smoke everyday, since the moment I wake up. When I go to school I try not to smoke before classes but sometimes I need to. After school I immediately go to the coffeeshop though. If school takes too long Ill skip a few classes.
Since I “work” at home I always smoke during work too. My customers cant give a fuck if Im stoned.
How often do you smoke?
Honestly, I think its more that I feel like I should be productive. I dont really want anything. I cant think of anything I want. I want to smoke weed, maybe use some other drugs and have good sex. The latter always used to make me feel good about myself. But lately it has me feeling more depressed. So I guess all I want is smoke weed. I dont have any long term goals, as sad as that may be.
And sure Im still young, although since the past year I have to say I feel a lot of pressure about getting old for some reason. I feel like time is going by too fast and Im kind of obsessing about it at times. Which is ridiculous since Ill be 21 in october. And I understand its ridiculous but I think its because Ive been smoking and “slacking off” for almost 6 years now. Most people who were in my class in high school have done things. Achieved whatever. And Im still in the same place as I was 6 years ago, basically.
I dont think a community like that is something for me though haha but thanks.
My friend and I planned it together. And I was really excited to go. Up until a month or so before I was going I started getting very nervous, about everything. Which made me stressed as fuck. I was so stressed I could no even manage to pack my suitcase. it was literally only packed 5 minutes before I had to leave for the airport. Which is very unlike me.
This conversations has me thinking a lot about my own weed use. Waking up every morning with thoughts of suicide and putting them back to bed (for a little while) with marijuana describes me as well. I’ve disciplined myself so that I only smoke when I’m not at work or around my younger brother. I changed jobs about a year ago and was smoking 3 times a day back then (at least). My apartment was really close to my office so I’d spend my lunch time blazing. These days, I go see my brother after work to tutor but a lot of the times I’ll go home first to smoke(which adds an extra hour to my travel time). I have to force myself to go straight to him after work instead of going home to recharge my THC battery.
It all goes back to suicide though, and we seem to be smoking for the same reason, to escape our lives. I spend most waking moments with some sort of buzz on and it’s because I’m fed up with everything. I want to be dead because my life seems to only be about hard work and awkward interactions. Even before I started smoking, my ability to enjoy life was pretty low. My days are spent working to support others and myself, but mainly, I work so I can smoke so I don’t have to think about this life that I don’t want. My long term goals are there in the event that I find something outside of my own pleasure to live for. I said before that it’s possible to lead a normal life and be a pothead at the same time, and it is, but I’m personally not interested in life anymore. I’m open to the idea that I’ll change my mind one day and gain the desire to live, and I use that to motivate me as well.
My life right now is like being in a bad relationship. It all feels like the end of the world while you’re in it and that makes it difficult to get any kind of perspective on the situation; you only wish for the pain to end. I don’t have friends or family to reassure me that things will be alright and yadda yadda yadda, but I try to remember all the time on my own that this may not be it, that I might one day come out of this dark tunnel with real desire to do something in this world. If that day comes for you and you’ve let your life turn to crap, you’ll be kicking yourself. I use that to motivate myself into maintaining my lifes status quo (working, tutoring, seeing friends every couple weeks so we don’t completely lose touch). Think about future Christina and how pissed she’ll be if she gets her mind set on something beyond weed and sex, but then has to go back and re-build her life and revive all the old friendships that you let fall by the wayside. My advice is to not beat yourself up too much about doing what you need to do to live without the weight of dark thoughts. Doctor prescribed pills have a wider range of side effects than your choice of treatment so who can really blame you for taking a milder approach?
What’s your diet like, eating habits? I find that it’s easier for me to control my sober side and delay smoking when I’m eating healthily and consistently. Being depressed puts eating low on the priority list for most of us, which is why it’s that much more important for the depressed smokers to be eating properly. If you’re smoking on an empty stomach, the high goes straight to your body and enhances that slow, delirious feeling you get when you haven’t eaten for awhile.
I feel the same about a lot (everything) you have said.
I do see my friends on a regular basis though. I do have a habit to think “if they never call or text me I dont feel the need to call or text you”. Sometimes I feel like I’m running after everyone and they cant really give a fuck. I have two friends I see regularely, and a couple I hang out with every once and a while. One is the girl ive been to Thailand with. I have to say I dont really feel like seeing her for a while. Over very bad reasons, which makes me a ****: she is gorgeous. Like ridiculously gorgeous. And I always look like a filthy hobo compared to here (ok maybe not filthy). And usually I can take guys lusting over her and ignoring me in the process but after three weeks 24/7 of that happening I have had enough. I have to say, going to Thailand with here was very bad for my ego. One night we were going out there was this swedish guy that was all over me, I didnt want anything from him but its a nice ego-boost. I went to the bathroom (damn vodka makes you pee every 5 seconds) and when I came back I had to listen to both guys telling her how good she looks and how she looked like a “golden mermaid” and I was like oke, Ill just take my bucket and sit over here. It took them about 20 minutes to figure out I was back. I often feel like a ghost when Im with her.
I most of the time don’t really enjoy being with my friends. I usually think “god, why the fuck did I not stay home tonight”. But I always go because I need distraction. Plus at one of my friends house we can smoke weed inside. So thats.. handy.
My eating habits are fucked up since I can remember. Ever since I was about 12 I had moments where I would not eat for days and then would be bingeeating like a sick ************. Since I smoke weed thats has gotten worse i think. or maybe not. I usually only eat when I smoked weed. I like that delirious feeling. Sometimes I like to see how long I can take without food in my body, before Im about to pass out.
I know thats fucking with my body, yadda yadda yadda. I know everything. But still, it feels good to feel in control when you have not eaten for an entire day. I usually manage to eat little on some days (nights are usually my binge-eating attacks) because the weed kind of paralizes your stomach. I was sick as uck the first three days in thailand because of that. I guess I know can eat again without smoking weed. The thing is I dont want to. Because I often overeat when Im stoned I want to minimize it as much as I can while sober.
God, like I said before I often feel like I should say something intelligent and my mind just goes blank. Or goes rambling, like now. Damn weed (always just blame it on the weed)
would you mind emailing me? since I cant see your email bcause its your post haha. I am not always on sp, I now mainly came back to see if you replied. I figured maybe emailing would be,, easier. I have questions but I dont think I should ask them here, since you always seem a bit reserved. Thats not the right word. but I cant come up with a better one. either way its fine though.