I bought a rope and there’s a bridge not far from where I live ..
I’ll be waiting for my intuition to tell me it’s time to go through with it
I’m tired of living just because others want and expect me to
I’m tired of living to preserve my relatives precious bubbles .. I’ve almost reached my breaking point
I’ve been trapped (1) in a body and (2) in this world for too long
I’ve lost interest in figuring out what my purpose is (assuming there’s even one)
my presence on here must be an error, I have no choice but to fix it
once I’m dead: no more struggles, illusions or serving anyone’s agenda .. only total freedom
death >>> life
9 comments
I’m guessing by the tone of your comment that you’re transgender. Am I right? If not, I apologize. My son is a FTM transgender. His life can be hell sometimes but he manages. I don’t think I’ll/he’ll ever be able to afford surgery for him so for now he lives as a man. He is taking T so that helps a lot. Anyway, I can relate if that’s what’s going on with you.
What you might find is that now you have the location and the means, a whole bunch of pressure might be lifted off you. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but I found that knowing I have my location and method(s) planned out has given me some peace. Just knowing that I can now leave at any time and I don’t have to do any more planning is quite liberating; it’s nice to have some control back in my life.
If anything, I think having this control has prolonged my life to some extent. I hope you have a similar experience, and – now you have your plans mapped out – you decide to keep those aside and stick with it just a little longer.
All the best.
nope
I’m simply tired of being on this planet .. I used to identify with my personality+body+ego just like the majority of people do
but for 5+ years, my outlook on life has evolved to the point where I know feel like an embodied essence, and that essence wants out .. it has to get rid of my body to be free
no offense taken
@sans espérer I’ve experienced the sense of relief you’re talking about
I wish I had a gun or some cyanide though, I’d hate to have a ‘responsible citizen’ walk by and intervene before brain death
@truthbetold: I feel I have an understanding of what you are saying. I feel as though I’m trapped in someone else’s life. I kinda hope the rightful owner of this life will knock on my front door one day, reclaim his life and send me on my way. The thing is that I don’t think I have another life to go to.
To be honest, the threat of being stopped mid-way through by a ‘responsible citizen’ is why it took me so long to settle on a spot. Depending on which method I choose (I have 3 to choose from, and the equipment in the trunk of my car to perform all 3), I may or may not be at risk of being stopped. Firearms and cyanide would be two of my preferred options in a perfect world, but due to the controlled nature of both of these where I live, neither of these are a realistic option.
I wouldn’t mind having another life to go to, as long as it isn’t a place where pain can be experienced and where time gets to direct people lives
at times I feel like I’ve lived a million lives on earth and have had every experience possible .. I’ll always wonder how I’ve gotten to the point of having little interest in life even off depression
Hey! U remember me? I was here a few months ago… I see that you’re trough a hard time right now.
What happened to determineted_rebel? The last time I was here you where talking :-/
Things get better you know? Just have to wait a little longer and be patient enough
I do remember your SN .. determined rebel still posts from time to time, I think she said this place no longer feels like home
I feel better than I did a few months ago and it’s undoubtedly a good thing .. my problem = what am I supposed to do with my life when I don’t even want to be here ?
gotta go, I’ll get back to this later
“I’ve been trapped (1) in a body and (2) in this world for too long”
You and me both man! I’d like to get off this planet but I’m scared to go through with it. What if I get recycled and put back into another body to live again? How bad will it hurt to go through with it (which kind of depends on your method of choice I guess)? Who will take care of my dog? Are my financial affairs in order?