a couple of months havent been here.. Black and white days came and left..
July 3rd. I got a call from a friend… She told that one of our best friends in ambulance just found dead. Couldn’t drive, eat or think. I was totally shocked. He had 3 months old son and a beautiful wife who was married before half year.. And You say life is fair?! Now job became not so lovely.. Seeing his car, missing his laugh, support, his lonely uniform kills my heart. I am ready to leave ambulance and being one step from new job. My friend, he was super paramedic, is dead and seems like nobody cares. Nobody puts his picture, nobody talks about him, it hurts! He was full in all ambulance and now it looks too empty. Nothing lasts forever. THAT IS A FACT.
My emotional state seems better than was before a few months.. much better. Don’t know why – coz of super books by Dalai Lama or not missing my ex bf. anymore. But i don’t feel complete. I miss love. It seems also not fair that i must be single. I am beautiful, smart, educated, sexy, funny, kind.. and no man in my life. And all those not so beauty girls, not so smart, those fatties are in love! 🙁 i am going for sports every day for a few hours to look perfect, but nobody cares. I was in one date last week with a guy i would love to be with, but he doesn’t seem so interested in me anymore 🙁
Being lonely pushes human to depression much faster. Love releases so much energy that new partner in life makes to fly up again. No wonder! The fact is that somewhy i have to be worm and no wings.. no fucking wings.. 
3 comments
Why worry about being in love ? Its just a head trip, I have been single since 2002, not that there haven’t been trists with women.
I am totally okay with being a loner, it plays no part in my suicidal tendencies. What does play a part is a separartion from family, I have been the black sheep of the family for over 40 years, finnally they totally disowned me, none will have anything to do with me. If I call, they hang up. The only family I can speak to is my son and he’s 2000 miles away.
There are plenty of places to meet others if thats what you want. remember no one is perfect and will fullfill all of your wants in a man. Relationships are about compromise, giving of self, expecting nothing in return. All potential boyfriends and or husbands can’t be brain surgeons, dentists, lawyers etc. Plumbers and carpenters etc, can be potential partners also. Love comes in all shapes and size’s.
You’ve been missed. No nothing lasts forever and life is not “fair” – people are or are not fair – they choose their fairness. life, for all its good or ill is just life – random and unfeeling. life has no guilt or innocence … kindness or callousness … life is … and it is not.
I’m sorry you are single, alone and missing love … but being jealous of the love of others is not pretty or beautiful … see beyond the shape and size of the shell and seethe heart and feelings that create the love – celebrate and embrace the love of others so that you may better understand it.
you have wings to fly – but like the young chick on the edge of her nest, she does not yet trust her wings even thought she has seen others use them to fly – she must have the faith and courage to use her wings
I wish that you find the love you seek – but it is not always easy to find – but love … pure, honest, loyal and true love cannot be seen and identified by it’s outward appearance – that is only a wrapper – the sweetness is tasted by “trying” the candy inside the wrapper … love can come in a beautiful wrapper – or it may be plain old paper.
each woman is like a lock and each man is a key – and although they look like they may “fit’ there are only a select few that will truly unlock one another … we must carefully search to find a lock o key that we can “open” and see what is true, true love – but during our search we must be careful not to get the wrong key broken in a lock that it was never intended to be in.
I wish I could find a kind, caring, loving heart like yours to shine the light of love, truth and honesty into – maybe one day we will both find that perfect fit – that match … the “key” that completes us.
truth dawg
oh Thank You sweetearts :)) Dawg, thanks for such a great words, well most of them i agree.. Talking about young chick, probably i’m a chicken who acts like a cock, so maybe i freeze off people with myself 🙂 All i wanna do is to share life with somebody but i guess working all the time doesn’t make those conditions even to meet a man 😀
So great said about locks and keys.. I guess a few keys was broken inside of my lock so there’s not so many place to others ?! I love Your expressions so much !
Caucajun, i am sorry that You are that black sheep in Your family.. That is a hard thing.. You can tell me anything – but being lonely can’t be okay 24/7. I wish i can change people with a snap of fingers.. All of them would become better, nicer, more smiling and hugging.. But i face the reality. And You help me out 🙂