I have been battling depression for over 6 years now.  I was bullied really bad during the first 13 years of my life by people my age and adults alike, and I have no self confidence because of it.  I get stressed easily and do different things to relieve the pain I feel.  I also have panic attacks very often.  I first tried to commit suicide four years ago, after that failed attempt, I have been dreaming about the day I will be able to just do it and be gone.  I have tried three times since then, but I always fail miserably.  My counselor and boyfriend keep saying it will all get better, but I’m not too sure.  I’m sick of people not believing me.  I’m sick of the fake smiles, laughs, and conversations.  I’m sick of the way people treat me, and it all has to stop.  I’m more upset than I ever have been. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, and I don’t know what to do.
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3 comments
dear melancholymaniac19, it will get better.
everything gets better with time.
then there are those times where it comes back to haunt you. and that is when you feel like you’re back to square 1.
i know you’re not too sure, because the feeling comes back every once in a while, and it frightens you. you dont want to feel this it anymore, you want to feel back the joy or life you had a long long time ago. and you will.
email me would you? thesilentbomb@hotmail.com
U ve got wat a gud numba of us dnt have and that is a confidant.i think thats an advantage of you getting ur lyf back.
I know just how you feel when you say others don’t understand. They honestly don’t. They /can’t/ understand because they don’t have the disease that we do. They claim they know, but how can they? Sure, people without depression get depressed from time to time, but it’s not the same as living with it day after day for years and years. They can never understand how that feels. And how can they think we can just “get over it”? Don’t they think that if we could, we WOULD? I mean, who WANTS to be miserable? Do they really think we’re that f’d in the head that we want to be how we are?
I don’t know if I”m helping much, but sometimes it feels good to just vent about it. I hope you know you’re not alone.