Pain

I don’t know who I am, why I’m here, why I’m alive. I tried very nearly successfully once before. I’m not sure I want to die, but I don’t want to live anymore. My heart has been ripped apart. I’ve never loved anyone like I loved her, and I just ruined it. I have to let go, move on, but I can’t. My heart still cries out for her… and she’s already over me, and it hurts so much. I don’t want to hear that I’m young, and it will pass, because I’m nearly 30. But throw these feelings on top of the pain I already feel from not having the right body… I don’t know what to do. I know I have friends and family that would miss me, but I can’t find a reason to hold on. I still put one foot in front of the other, try to fill my days, but… it’s so hard. I destroy everything I touch. I thought I’d found my true love, and it wasn’t love. I just don’t want to hurt anymore.