I keep praying to God for him to kill me …. but he doesn’t … you want to know what i have to say about that – WHY THE HELL NOT??? i mean i guess i have talent ( i mean second place in nationals in piano is definently something to brag about) BUT my parents treat me like a trophy … I HATE IT HERE … but i can’t kill myself or i will burn in hell , doesn’t God understand this .. i don’t wanna live on earth anymore , why does he keep me here … i hate it … I’ll always be a trophy , who will love me for me huh?? were is my happy ending with LOVING parents… i wish they would love me… im a disappointment.. I have only 4 little words to say – Fuck this word – im out…
You have no idea how much i understand… But you are not a disappointment. You are not just a trophy. And I may not know you, but I know that you are on this site, I know a tiny part of how you feel now. And I love you for that, not your talent (although 2nd place is a big deal gurl!) But i know how empty these comments seem and im sorry for that. Just know that someone out there cares 🙂
There is no hell and if there is any God worth believing in, he won’t punish you for being weak. He won’t kill you cause most likely he doesn’t exist and this body will resist more than you think. You’re more than a pianist and I am sure you’re parents love you dearly. Perception can be our worst enemy.
Isn’t that five words lydiarose lol?
Musical skills and sensitivity/depression can often go together. Artists of all sorts can truly be tortured.
I was always praised inordinately for what I could do when I was young. I was living out my parents’ dream, but it was not my dream. I was an almighty emotional fuck-up when I finally emerged into ‘adulthood’. I guess I’ve always had a problem accepting that I could ever be loved for me.
Finally, if belatedly, realising that no one person is worth more than another and that we are ALL infinitely valuable regardless of our talents and abilities or lack of them, is what has helped me most to overcome my sense of unlovability. I try to give others what I lack myself…a sense of unconditional love, and sometimes that does actually help.
If you can bring yourself to believe in some kind of God or Higher Power that could also be a path to greater self-acceptance.
yea i meant to put five put you know how typos can be …. and thanks i believe in God , but having faith problems … so well see how life goes..