I think I am totally a worthless being, and I really believe that if I die, this world will even become a slightly better place. pretending to be a normal person is hard and painful for me, I feel like everyday I have to go through is a endless torment till my death, I feel like I’m walking on a mine field, but I don’t wanna get blown up. I’m cynic, impatient, hypocritical and boring, these traits are ingrained in my soul , I won’t be able to get rid of them until I die, because I still need them to survive, to extend my meaningless life,which is sad. I never really loved anyone, I guess I was not made to love, but to suffer. I uncontrollably hate people around me and this world, I can’t stop it, unless stop my life, I hate my own thoughts, the thoughts that isolated me from this world. I’m unable to accomplish a lot of things that I should, every facet of me is a failure. Right now, what I really want is someone who can beat me up and spit on my face telling me I’m a totally worthless shit and need to die. I can’t take this anymore, someone give me some push.
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Do you want a push to live or a push to die Ash? It’s terrible to be at war with your own thoughts. When depressed, my thought processes are very much like yours. I can sort of understand how you want to get beaten up…it might give you temporary relief from beating up yourself. You feel it’s what you deserve anyway.
I’m not sure what else to say except you are a valuable human being who doesn’t deserve to suffer like this. I doubt if it’s any consolation that it’s usually good people who suffer most. Those who really are nasty lack the ability to feel any deep emotion whatsoever. They cruise along, oblivious to the pain they leave in their wake. Please Ash, go easy on yourself and try to focus on your good points. Everyone has them tho’ they may be buried deep.
Zoe x
what evidence do you have that your worthless and that the world will be a better place without you.People on this site dont know eachother one from the other.If you should die there pain will still hurt.Your giving yourself a little bit to much credit in this area.So back to the orignal question what makes you think your worthless.Did someone tell you.have you done or not done something.The one way people can help you is if you are open and honest.You must feel so bad that all you can see is you against the world.I garuntee you on this site alone there are hundreds of people who feel this same way.If you look even further back you may even find people saying exactly what you have said and be suprised.Your not alone and calling yourself worthless is because i believe an event or multiple events have happened in your life that youve tried to fix and failed.Its okay.your going to be okay.
sometimes i see people and think how much a good therapist a could go a long way for someone like you.Dying is so easy giving up and blaming yourself for the wrongs of the world is so easy but you know when living becomes easy thats a great accomplishment cause even people who are not depressed have a hard time living.Life throws things all at once but you will be okay your going to be okay just hold on