I don’t know what to say. I’m close and the guilt that usually pulls me back isn’t as strong as it used to be. What makes this worse is I am so alone that I’ve resorted to the potential wisdom/comfort of strangers because “no one cares” is so bloody literal it has become unbearable. I’ve read posts and should be comforted that I am “not alone”, but to see so many people in so much pain who are so alone…it just causes more despair.
I used to think I didn’t want to be here anymore. Now I’m quite convinced I simply can’t.
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I am also feeling really lonely… 🙁
Why?
Why?
Well, don’t go until you’ve exhausted all options. We’re here to listen and offer advise when we can. Tell us more about what’s ailing you. Maybe someone here has experience with similar times and situations.
I have no problem attracting men but it’s impossible for me to keep them. I have such a conflicted, insecure, complex and difficult personality that they end up walking away. As a defense mechanism, my mind has now developed the “push them away before they leave you” technic on top of it. I can’t conceive a life without a man. I feel empty and worthless being all alone. The company of family or friends do very little for me.
Hi I’m new. I do that to but to everyone I’m so scared of getting hurt I push everyone away. I don’t know how to get close to people.
I honestly feel as though I have tried everything. Every ounce of my effort has been met with failure, even though on paper you would think I might be successful.
I’ve always told myself that I would wait until my mother died before I killed myself (at that time I couldn’t bare the thought of breaking her heart). She’s not even sick or in poor health, but I’m growing impatient. How twisted is it that I’m waiting/looking forward to my mother dying so I can kill myself without the guilt?
I’ve endured a lot, no worse or different than anyone else here. In that I am not unique. I’m just tired. I’m out of effort. And I’m tired of making myself ok with the idea that no one really cares about me or who I am, are only interested in my function/utility in their lives. I can’t be made to feel bad for not enduring more. I’m tired of being strong and I’m tired of being unhappy, and I’m tired of not being able to change anything in order to help myself out of this “place” I find myself.
I’ve considered just leaving. Disappearing, no forwarding address. That way I’m just missing and no one would ever have to feel bad about me dying right under their noses.
In keeping with my old habits, I ran out of anti-anxiety months ago, and never bothered refilling. I end up taking too many and just sleeping all the time. Now, I find that starving myself gives me that same disconnectedness that helps me get through the day. I haven’t eaten anything solid in weeks, and so far have lived off of coffee, gatorade, cigarettes, and I think a cup of soup about 4 days ago. I’m still working, writing, cleaning, walking dogs, etc….but no one cares or knows or notices. My absence would only have an impact because I would no longer be meeting my obligations.
I find it strange that there are “how to” comment threads here. I’m not worried about that. I’m not trying to make a statement with my death.
You sound really depressed. I understand whatever decision you make, but I am sure your mother does love you and so must others. We feel unloved and unwanted at this state. If they knew what you’re going though perhaps they’d show that they care.
Is there anything in particular that you find extremely hard to bear?
Being disconnected and uncared for. Always trying really hard when trying hard is never enough.
Having no one is the hardest.