I have already made three posts. Two were poems, and one was a little rant about how life mainly sucks.
So…here I go:
Long story short (to not cause too much confusion, causing me to share my issues to an extent)
My name is Abiron. I am a 14 year old……”girl.” I suffer from GID (Gender Identity Disorder, I am a Female-to-Male transgender, I believe so.) combined with on-and-off insecurities about myself. — This is the most I suffer from. You see, there are two main reasons why I refused to share this on my very first post:
1) Judgemental/Transphobic people.
2) Being called the wrong pronouns.
But you know what? I decided, I am not going to give a fuck. Because none of you know me, and nor do I know you. After all, what’s the risk? People rant here about all there shit anyway. Even the most “humiliating” subjects are being presented in this site, so why not introduce myself openly to strangers?
Well, now that I’ve demonstrated you part of my shitty issues — that’ll be the limit to what I’m going to share from that.
My next issue is my mild eating disorder, which I believe I can openly share to you completely if I decide to on the way to writing this…
Long story short, on June 1st 2011, is when I decided to finally set myself a healthy lifestyle. That meaning running daily for an hour. I was making healthy choices for myself. As time slowly went by, I was restricting foods slowly from my “diet”, and ended up creating an eating disorder and ending up being severely unstable and losing 41 pounds. On mid-December 2011 to late January of 2012, I physically recovered from the tragedy, but I was not mentally prepared for it, infact I was pressured. I ended up recovering basically all the pounds back, and it was the most horrible experience ever. Today, I don’t suffer from it as much, but I still suffer from it. The main reason why I developed an eating disorder or decided to “diet” (at this moment I did not realize I had GID), was because I had strong hatred for my womanly features that I no longer wanted (that meaning curves, breasts, etc.)
Now, I know you women are probably thinking what the fuck is my problem. The answer to this is — my mind is simply just set in another perception. Now, I suffer from, OCD, Bipolar, GID, ED, Aspergers, and ADHD. However, I’m not sure if I’m still diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Clearly these will increase my depression than people who suffer from less mental conditions. Â They are probably causing me to think differently as well, which is why I’m not able to manage my thoughts along with GID.
I also sabotaged my parents trust, because they discovered personal documentaries in my computer. I am using my mom’s for now, but I am not longer able to go to my online support groups because supposedly there is a “detecting device” set on the computer.
Like I said, I framed all of this (my issues) as short as I can. It may not seem bad to you, but if you stepped in my brain, mind, or thoughts, you would want to let out urgently. (I bet I could name more issues if I can think of them, but certainly these would be labeled as my main ones.)
21 comments
im glad you believe in the “fuck it” movement. but if you really did you wouldnt care what people in real life thought either. if you want to be a boy then be a boy, fuck it. we all want what we want. as long as it doesnt involve hurting other people then why is it any of their concern? im all for gay, transgender anything. im straight, but i have no problem having gay friends. and if i did ever have a transgender friend i wouldnt hide it. as long as they were an awesome person then i would talk about them like i would talk about any of my good friends.
Thanks, and I am comfortable with expressing myself in real life. That isn’t my insecurity however, but thanks for commenting.
that is good, always be comfy with you. mmm i think i wasnt really reading in between the lines… what is the insecurity?
That’s where confusion will collide.
im sorry i was being all nosy. still you always gotta try.
I’ve tried to stand up so many times to push any disturbances away, still…it’s nothing. Therapists are pointless, too. With a unusual insecurity like mine, hell yeah..
therapists? ive never seen a shrink (then again im on this website) but how much can they really help? i know this advice is gonna suck… but being a teen just sucks. but the upside is your only a teen for a couple years. yeah i give it that they feel like the longest years of your life… but once you step into the real world. it changes you. im not guessing it might… it WILL change you. could be minor changes… could be a complete life 180. my point is you will never know how happy you could be unless you wait and see what time has in store for you.
I’m afraid of what life has in store for me…
I’m afraid of life, just not afraid to die.
i know exactly how you feel. trust me, life has reeeeeally handed me some shitty moments. (read my 1st post and you might see why) but its the thrill of waiting to see what amazing you might experience. i know its hard to talk about the thrill… but im older than you (i win :blows raspberry:) so maybe i just might know a “lil” more. not saying im some wise all knowing wizard of oz head. just that i have had hard times, but great things dont come easy. trust me. i;ve done things people wish they could do before they die… you just have to wait and see what your things to do before you die are.
“I want to live till theres nothing left to do”
amazing things*
Uhm, no offense but you sound like one of those people who like claiming to have disorders. You’re only 14, I don’t believe any actual psychiatrist or doctor would have labelled you with 6 different things going on when you’re this young. They know that there are too many chemical and hormonal changes going on at this age. For instance something like schizophrenia, they definitely wait until later in life to give a true diagnosis of that because when you’re really young your imagination is running wild, and then in the teen years, all the other things I already mentioned come into play. Plus, many doctors do not outright tell their patients what they feel they are suffering from. It doesn’t help people with disorders to tell them right to their face “you have this this and this wrong with you, sorry”. So if you’ve self-diagnosed these disorders by reading about them online, you need to slow down, anyone can read a list of symptoms and start to think it applies to them. Or, if you actually have a doctor who already thinks you have all this going on and actually tells this directly to their 14 year old patient instead of keeping it confidential with the parents, find a new doctor.
The same thing goes for gender identity. You are only 14. Way too young to be worrying or wondering if you were born in the wrong body. You are not developed physically nor mentally yet when it comes to this area of life. Worry about whether you feel attracted to boys or girls when you’re getting more towards 16 or 17.
Were you born male or female ? Did I miss something, at 14 I was so messed up I didn’t know up from down, yet I did know I like the opposite sex.
Its toatlly okay if your attracted to your own sex, be okay with who you are becoming.
ThousandCuts,
Please shut the fuck up. If you need to, look up yourself on Gender Identity Disorders and look at people that are younger than me going through these experiences. You’re one of those judgmental pricks I mentioned up there. Technically, you’re telling me that I’m going through a severe hormonal phrase (which, I do believe so) but just because I’m 14, does not necessarily mean you can directly judge me on my experiences I’ve gone through so far based on my age. “Long story short” — Did you catch that? That means I didn’t state it all. I just went right through the main categories.
Soooo…
Like I said, I don’t give a fuck. Say what you need to in more posts. See if I care.
I was born female, caucajun.
This has nothing to do based on my sexuality.
i once dated someone whos younger sister had a some hormonal problem, cant recall the specific disorder she had but she was a girl whos body was turning male on its own. She was about 7 years old, taking hormone injections every single day. i dont know if this is what you have but i know it was very hard on her, and i dont doubt that she contemplated taking her life at such a young age.
NewDawnFades,
Well no, I mean it depends..
What kind of hormonal injections was she taking? Estrogen? Because personally I want to be a male and later in life if I’m stable enough, I want to take male hormones. She sounds inter-sex or something. What I experience is a mental thing, but not a physical change progressing on its own.
oh im sorry. im dont recall, but the side effects left her with large muscular looking arms. ok so its the brandon teena situation. you should get out and let more be known about this. cause i like to dip my finger in the knowledge bowl and im not really familiar with all the aspects of this problem. i would like to know more than what wikipedia had to offer. that would be an amazing life mission. imagine a story being told about you how you triumphed thru narrow minded bigots who think people with this desire are sick. if you dont want to be a girl anymore you shouldnt have to. i know people are gonna be like “god made you this way” then tell those people to suck it cause “god made us in his image” so basically he secretly wanted to be a she…
Ahhh well, you could just search up other sites besides Wikipedia…
no, it isnt the same… ive never met a person with GID and i would like to. if you helped maybe more people would come out and i could meet such a person.
Oh, how would I help?
plenty of ways of helping. there is awareness, there can be therapy for GID on GID as opposed to some quack who thinks reading about it will solve this “problem”. have meetings where people can talk about how they feel. maybe these people could find a love interest with the same desires thanks to you.