Things were supposed to get better. I’ve made great friends here on SP and even have a ‘special someone’ in my life.
But of course, last night it all came crashing down. There are no words to describe how broken I am now. My heart aches more than it ever has. I’m tired of hurting people. My life will never let me be ok. I’m back to the mirror and I hate standing here. I hate looking at this person. I’m crying so hard I can barely breathe. I’m dirty again and now I have the blood of the only people I had left on my hands. It’s my fault. It always has been. I wish I had ended it sooner. Mayb then they wouldn’t have died for me. I’m not worth it.
I’m sorry to all the other’s that have been amazing to me. I’m sorry I hurt you. To the friend that feels he can’t talk to me I’m sorry. I never meant it and I didn’t want you to stop writing you made my day. To the one who feels like they’ve lost me. You didn’t. And always remember you are beautiful in every way and you can hold the greatest conversation so don’t underestimate yourself. And to my ‘special someone’ I’m sorry I can’t be the person you deserve. I’m in no way amazing. I never was. I’m just a broken me.
The Phoenix has burned again, only …. this time…. I don’t think it will rise out of the ashes.
4 comments
Who died..? And unless forensic evidence proves you physically did it, how is their blood on your hands? Did both of them jump in front of a drive-by machine gun and block the ammo with their bodies to shield you? Is that how they died for you? I know I’m typing like a script here, but the context of your perception isn’t logically described… More like an emotional poem with errors. Pheonix always rises, period. Doesnt mean it feels good. I know…
What happened Ash?
It is a terribly written emotional mess.
My brother and sister came home early to keep me company till my mom got home and my best friend was already over. But about an hour later my dad showed up. He was crazed and yelling about how he couldn’t get out of this one with money and it was all my fault. he thought I was the only one home because i was cooking dinner. He abused me worse than he ever has. My brother and best friend came down. He was gonna stab me and both of them tried to fight him. He won.
You will rise out of the ashes again.Be strong!
No.