Things were supposed to get better. Iâ€™ve made great friends here on SP and even have a â€˜special someoneâ€™ in my life.
But of course, last night it all came crashing down. There are no words to describe how broken I am now. My heart aches more than it ever has. Iâ€™m tired of hurting people. My life will never let me be ok. Iâ€™m back to the mirror and I hate standing here. I hate looking at this person. I’m crying so hard I can barely breathe. Iâ€™m dirty again and now I have the blood of the only people I had left on my hands. Itâ€™s my fault. It always has been. I wish I had ended it sooner. Mayb then they wouldnâ€™t have died for me. Iâ€™m not worth it.
Iâ€™m sorry to all the otherâ€™s that have been amazing to me. Iâ€™m sorry I hurt you. To the friend that feels he canâ€™t talk to me Iâ€™m sorry. I never meant it and I didnâ€™t want you to stop writing you made my day. To the one who feels like theyâ€™ve lost me. You didnâ€™t. And always remember you are beautiful in every way and you can hold the greatest conversation so donâ€™t underestimate yourself. And to my â€˜special someoneâ€™ Iâ€™m sorry I canâ€™t be the person you deserve. Iâ€™m in no way amazing. I never was. Iâ€™m just a broken me.
The Phoenix has burned again, only …. this time…. I donâ€™t think it will rise out of the ashes.