alone

there are certain people in the world who always feel responsible for the happiness of others, even above their own. i take it that you are one such person. you give of yourself in order to help those around you. your priority is not within you, it’s within the lives of the people you love most. am i right?

when people say things like, “you have to love yourself before you can love others”, i personally feel that is not true. the problem with people such as yourself (and me too) is that we then rely too much on creating happiness for others. and if they are not happy, than it feels like we have failed.

or, alternatively, we might hope that others will return the favor, and work to make us happy as well. and when they do not, we are disappointed with them, and ourselves.

cutting releases the emotional obligation you have to yourself. it allows you to escape into the darkness and rely only upon yourself again. your lucky, in that you have those around you which you are able to connect with.

might i suggest something as an alternative. when you are enveloped into that dark place again, and you feel frozen and you cannot seem to pull yourself out of it… do something unexpected for someone you love. go buy them a small gift, a token of your appreciation. focus all of whatever energy to can muster into a positive and selfless gesture. even something as simple as a greeting card, a piece of candy, or flowers. the idea is to take your self out of the equation.

as you said, you cannot change who you are. and why should you. you are a very special person.

~thank you darko.