Im losing the fight..

I am losing a fight to a battle that i will never win. I have bipolar and i have been manic for the past couple of months and if you dont know manic means extremely happy. but as you also may know, after mania comes a period of severe depression. I am fighting that off lately. I can feel it creeping on my and its right there within reach of me and i am becoming to tired or fighting to ward it off any longer. I am going to my psychiatrist tomorrow and im going to tell her that ive been feeling really down lately. On top of that i havent taken my meds in over a month. When i was manic, i didnt care to take them because i felt i didnt need them anymore and now i am not taking them because i dont care for them anymore. I feel like i am going crazy and that nothing can help me. My psychiatrist said i was on a high way path to getting sent to an institution because of my actions and thoughts. I would never actually commit suicide but i think about it constantly. especially since kids are dropping like flies in my town because of suicide. I hate living here. You are always judged. I feel like i have no one to talk to. Today i just feel like crying and rolling into a little ball and sobbing. I just dont know what to do anymore. THank god i have my boyfriend or else i dont know where id be right now. he is the one keeping me from cutting. i want to cut so badly.