It hurts

It hurts so bad.  I want my pain to end.  Hating the fact that I can’t get myself to end it.  Being in “limbo” (not living, not dead) is the worst.  Each agonizing day of merely drifting along, with no purpose, with no reason, with no one, and just endless loneliness and pain.  Three decades of pain- it’s enough.  How much longer will I have to suffer?  I am not strong enough to endure.  I do not want to endure.  All that awaits me is more pain and suffering.