Nothing matters anymore. I’ll end this freakin’ shit on Monday. I already bought all my remerons and tomorrow I’ll buy some alcohol. It should do the job.
Seriously, nothing matters. I was once told: “you always feel this and that and it never matters a damn thing.” And now everything I do makes my bf who I live with, upset. If I feel bad about him calling me names, or leaving all the household choirs for me, or him being in the internet with his cell when we’re doing something together, I am a drama queen who’s always mad about everything he does. I have to feel bad about everything, just to feel bad.
Nothing fucking matters fucking anything.
This time I’m unusually sure that I will be doing it on Monday. Nothing matters and I am meaningless little whiner. Nothing I feel or do matters. So nobody will even care if I’m dead, actually I doubt anyone will even notice. Maybe my bf will be like “oh, a dead girl in my home. Do I know her?” And call somebody to clean me up.
That’s it.
4 comments
If you are going to attempt suicide, i implore you to at least devise a better plan. You’re very unlikely to succeed in killing yourself with an overdose, even with alcohol. Instead, you’ll most likely fail and end up having to be taken to a hospital to prevent permanent kidney/stomach damage. The ordeal will not only be physically painful and nauseating, but will also make things more difficult for your bf/family relations.
Also, you know very well that he would not simply come home and say “Oh, a dead girl in my home. I’d better call that garbage man to clean this up.” I don’t know anything about him, but unless he is clinically psychopathic it would likely be a tramatizing experience. People almost always end up caring more about depressed/suicidal persons then they’re willing to believe.
i’ve felt like this, & known men like this.. my mom attempted suicide once.. I was out of town & the way he reacted was with this phone call to me.. “i guess your mom killed herself, so figure out what you wanna do about that, bye.” I have a father that has a pychological disorder, but doesn’t use any medications. He is missing the ability to sympathize with others. Anyone can have a psychological/mental disorder and go undiagnosed. Most people are crazy in a sense.
Get rid of him.
I know this sound rubbish, but I think that you are a wonderful person you just need to be recognised as you are and who you are, I recently got hurt and I felt that I should hurt myself but to be honest with you, I did do it, but now all I want to is to get on with my life and I think you should to, this guy sounds like a dick, just get your stuff and go stay at your friends or some one that you trust, make a clean break, and if you still feel like doing this then just keep your head up and say what the hell life is for living and if he is treating you like crap then he should be the one to die, I think there is a man out there that is perfect for us all but you have to help and find him, he will be lucky because you are beautiful in every way, and I can tell by the way you treat yourself, you have been taken for granted take what is yours in life. Hope this helped. Steph
Definetly don’t drop the pills. They don’t work the way you think. Even with alcohol. Trust me, I dumped 120 pills (30 oxycontin, 40 selenium, 30 panadine forte and 20 tamazapan.
That should kill a horse right? Bullshit.
When our stomach is irritated or overfilled……Especially with 100’s of foamy pills and alcohol, We end up waking up not long after, Violently puking you absoloute guts out, then when theres no puke left, you still puke until you taste your stomach acid in your throat, passing out and not long after wake up puking again.
I ended up going to the hospital wit the worst kidney and liver pains ever, like a constant streching cramp on my sides for 1 and a half weeks. I’ve probably done some permanent damage around there. Sometimes i get real paranoid when i feel a weird pain coming from my kidneys. I know I fucked them up, and now that I’m thankfully over that stage in my life 12 years ago, I don’t want my liver to fail or one of my fucken kidneys removed because of one mistake. I fucked up. End of the day, Pills don’t work for shit. Cyanide might. But if it dosent, you’ll wake up blind with holes in your brain. even poisin has a fucken catch. Do your research . Even with a shotgun to the head you could survive, and wake up in hospital with a chunk of your head missing.
I hope you do a bit of research on pills overdose before you try anything.