What’s the point?

I’ve never posted here before… and aside from a few people I don’t talk about this, but I just don’t know if I can keep going on.

I feel miserable all the time. I feel like a pathetic loser. I spend so much of my time pretending to be fine that I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I wonder if I deserve to feel like this. is there something intrinsically bad about me? Am I a terrible person?

There’s nothing objectively wrong about my life. 2/3 of the world is worse off than me, so I wonder “what right do I have to feel like this?” And yet I do.

I can’t see it getting better. I have chosen a profession in which I help people all day long – often when no one else will help them. I can’t help wondering though, when I try so hard to save people am I just doing it in the hopes that someone will care enough t o try and save me?

And that just makes me feel worse. I’ve been accused of trying to frame a man as a terrorist – he even filed a police report. I have been accused of being a degenerate homosexual and abomination and the man making the accusations is still trying to get me fired. And now a customer has threated to come down to my workplace and “take care of me”.

Is this all there is? If so then what’s the point? People tell me that it will get better, but when? I’m 36 and it hasn’t gotten better yet.

I just want it to stop. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to hurt the people I care about anymore.

I just want to be gone.