It seems as though things start out great then they just go down hill and I can’t seem to make things work. I know in my head that I’m not a bad person, but in my heart I feel like I’m the worst person in the world. Everything I touch just turns to shit and I’m tried of having everyone feel like they always have to be there to pick me up and I just keep falling. I feel like I’m bring them down with me and I just want them to be happy. Their lives would be so much better if I weren’t here so I think it’s just time to leave. I feel like this is the end for me because I have no where else to go. I just want my life to end and I know how to do it. It’s just a matter of getting away without them trying to find me. I have a winter break coming up and I won’t be around them so maybe that would be the time. No one would know anything I just wouldn’t come back. I just can’t take the pressure and the stress of being here anymore. Life just seems so meaningless.
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How long have you felt this way? You can tell by my username that my son died by suicide at age 19, a brilliant, beautiful, amazing person who was taken down by clinical depression in an astonishingly short period. Believe me when I tell you that it is your depression that is making you feel worthless. My son, who excelled at everything, had these same thoughts. We would do anything and i mean ANYTHING to have him in our lives. Please talk to a trusted adult, preferably your mom if you have a good relationship. Tell her your feelings and be honest about your suicidal thoughts. Until someone is suffering the despair and hopelessness that you seem to be feeling, they cannot fathom how bad it is and how at risk you are. I understand that despair because I live it every day since my son’s death. You have a chance to have a rich life, with love, travel, and experiences if you get some help. Please do this. I ache for you, and I know your pain is real. But PLEASE get some help. There is a way through and past this.