i’m in a place where i am mentally unable to handle anything. schoolwork feels like trying to roll a boulder up a mountain. functioning in general, actually. i feel so isolated. my friends aren’t as responsive as they used to be when we were all in treatment together… i just feel like shit. i haven’t been able to even work up the motivation to finish my paintings (which are way past due). i have a reading response due tomorrow (600 words) and i haven’t even been able to figure out what the fuck i’m going to say about this passage from Walden. he contradicts himself […]
(Acoustic) Blues
Lyrics:
Hard times is here and everywhere you go
Times are harder than ever been before
–
You know that people, they are driftin’ from door to door
But they can’t find no heaven, I don’t care where they go
–
People, if I ever can get up off of this old hard killin’ floor
Lord, I’ll never get down this low no more
–
When you hear me singin’ this old lonesome song
People, you know these hard times can last us so long
–
You […]
Lyrics:
Ah, look at all the lonely people…
Ah, look at all the lonely people…
–
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been,
Lives in a dream…
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door,
Who is it for…
–
All the lonely people,
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?
–
Father McKenzie writing the words
Of a sermon that no one will hear,
No one comes near…
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there’s nobody there,
What does he care…
–
All the lonely […]
So many stressors, so many things to worry about 🙁
Today I decided that tomorrow, I’ll be taking my 15 year old chihuahua to get euthanized. She can’t stand and soils herself. So I carefully and lovingly clean her and use a small syringe (without the needle) to give her some baby food and her pain medication. The bones sticking out from her sides tell a story I didn’t want to read for a long time. Her inevitable demise.
Today, my thoughts were filled with my 4 year old’s open heart surgery. I am unable to work because he is having major issues in school… They only keep him for 3 hrs every day. I’m his […]
You’re most likely wondering why I so boldly asked for you to read this post. Well, I did so because I have something to say that I believe will benefit you, no matter if this site applies to you or not.
I’ve had an unbelievable amount of personal experiences in my life that in reality could have shattered me from the start but instead, here I am writing this post. […]
I’m trying to keep it together here… I feel like life is just bearing down as hard as it can right now without outright killing me in some torturous way. Yesterday I found out that my sister, my best and… pretty much only real friend in life has a cyst near her brain that’s pressing against it and causing bleeding. She went to Seattle by EM Transport last night and I talked to her for a while on Facebook but… I just wish I could be there with her.
Not a day earlier I talked with… the best guy I know. A guy I’ve had a […]
Fuuuuuuck! Im stressed.
How about you?
How come no one has ever told me how to deal with stress?
all i want to do is stare into the wall all day… and thats exactly what i do. i cant get anything done.
i want to get things done i just cant get an overview and that leads to me panicking about it and then i dont get it done. i hate it. every minute of it.
i get more and more depressed for each day passing.. nothing seems to cheer me up anymore. i cry over the littlest things. i cant hold myself together. my life is chaos right now…. i […]
I don’t even know.
I’m just tired.
All these mixed feelings.
Stress? Not sure.
Depression? Of course.
Sadness? Well yeah.
Happiness? Doubt it.
It feels like a lump, a big lump of nothing and everything stuck in my throat. Every moment I am at work I crave to be away. I studied and worked hard in the past and saw myself earning 2 degrees, however through some cosmic fuck up I’m here. I sit and hope and pray and beg for some relief from this madness. Every morning I wake up and force myself out of bed, I cry thinking of what the day will be like. I used to be so passionate about so many things but now all I see myself doing is earning a pay […]
I turn twenty in September. I stand at 5’4”, 123 lbs, and am generally a healthy eater. I played the piano for seven years when I was younger and received copious amounts of praise for my talent. I enrolled in various activities, from fencing to tae kwon doe to art classes. I graduated high school with a 3.96 GPA and seven Advanced Placement courses under my belt. After all that, I was accepted into a prestigious university and ready to blossom into a confident, intelligent, self-sufficient and successful young woman, to break out of my shell, to take on the world.
I haven’t blossomed. In fact, I’ve completely […]
I might kill myself. I think I am going to use the “exit” bag method with helium as my choice of gas. I can’t take the constant pain, guilt, worry, and sadness anymore. My parents are so disappointed in me. I am everything they never wanted. Unlike my younger sister, my grades are poor, I’m a drug addict, an overall failure. My dad constantly reminds me about how he refuses to pay for my college expenses since I am such a bad student. Constantly asking me, “Which college do you think you will be accepted into?”, in a rude tone. My dad always makes snarky […]
hello everyone
i have quit public high school, i am now being home schooled.
i am already regretting everything. on the bus i have realized that most of the time i will be alone now, with all of my thoughts.
i think that i should just kill myself already
everything is so stressful and my mom and dad drink everynight and i feel like cutting again.
i think i am going to have a break down AGAIN Â but.. iknow if i do i am positive my mom will send me to the hospital, she almost did last time.
i just want to die.
i want to be killed.
Hi, I’m Samantha, I go by Sammy. I am 17, a junior in high school. I’ve moved 5 times, lived in 4 different states. I was planning on telling a longer life story, but my last one was suddenly deleted & I am not going to rewrite the whole thing.. I have a great family, & overall people will say my life is well off. my main reason for thinking about ending my life is the feeling of being not needed, & way to overwhelmed with school. I’ve never had a best friend. The one who you always hang out with, saves you a seat,. […]
My brain wont shut up even after hours of me laying here. I have so many thoughts running through my head, stressful thoughts. I then get more stressed knowing that I need to get up early in the morning but this just makes my head spin faster. I can’t get all my thoughts from the day out my head and it’s giving me a head ache. I get this feeling most nights and it’s making me exhausted. I don’t feel stressed until I get in bed. I hate this. I just want out. Out of the stresses of life, and the pain of my brain. […]
So, haven’t been here in a while. Partly because I felt I should try and maintain some sort of emotional distance; SP reminds me a lot of a mental landscape I know very well, but like to pretend doesn’t exist.
It might have been working. I never know until things fall down around my head.
It’s not even (not ever) anything big. Just grade averages and rankings and the stress of not knowing, because I need that scholarship but that’s not even the reason. It’s just because I care, I give everything in this course a hundred and twenty per cent and come up worse than people […]
My mind tries to understand why things happen and say “there was a reason for that”. However it is simply an excuse, as if my mind is trying to make reason out of the shit that happens to me. It doesn’t take long for me to realize what’s going on, this defense mechanism isn’t very efficient once I’ve realized what it’s doing, but it doesn’t stop it from trying.
I can’t function under stress, any kind of stress. It isn’t even a big deal, I’m just unable to deal with stress. Even if it’s a tiny obstacle in my life, it becomes such a great deal […]
You
know when u really trusted someone and then they say they trust you and all of
a sudden they stop talking to you because of someone else. Honestly I don’t
know what to do anymore. Im getting attacked left, right and center, by this
girl. I trusted him with things that I would never trust anyone with. He played
with my heart and said he was only talking to her because he was trying to be
the good mate. Now I feel like I was used just for his pleasure.but now I feel
down because I really found out who it was attacking me. […]
I made another mistake. Again another mistake. All the stress, disappointment, failure, wasted finances I dont have, problems at work, added to my already deterioratking career, empty  savings account, disappointed family and friends, car and motorcycle thay need to be rebuilt, jeez the list goes on. Just when you thought it was piled high or you feel youc’re making baby steps toward improvement THEN you get kicked all the way back into a crawl.
I dont get itk? All these other people are so successful, almost with out even trying. While I try my ass off s succeed  then FALL! I fall twice as far as […]
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