Hey, so this is my first time doing anything of this sort… Â I’ve read quite a few of these posts and it seems a lot of people are also having a hard time. Â Not to sound mean but it actually is helpful to know I’m not the only one.
Anyway I’ll get to the point.  I’ve been horribly depressed for a while now.  I am the socially awkward kid that no one really ever wants to talk to in class.  I have only one friend really, and now he hangs out with the “popular” kids so I am kind of left alone a lot.  (By the way I should mention I am a male in his teens).  I don’t see why I am so depressed.  I mean yeah I have problems, never have anyone to talk to about them and other things, but I am always helping others and that usually makes me happy.  But that always dies down very quick…  I mean I understand my problems, my father is always complaining I am useless, but my mother (who is around a lot more) is quite cheerful.  I use to be able to say anything with her, now we hardly say anything.  Anyway I am rambling so, I was saying that I’ve been depressed for a bit now, don’t know when exactly it started.  It came slow at first, then it just like all happened, does that make sense?  Either way I’ve been having a horrible time at school, I constantly find people trying to talk to me, but somewhere along the lines I screw things up in a horrible way.  My guess is ’cause I have a very hard time with actually holding conversations with people I like.  Like I find it easier and more comfortable to stay in my own world then to go and explore others.  Why risk bother when nothings going to change?  Things have just been slipping away from me, and now I feel completely alone.
I’m getting tired, but I know I won’t sleep. Â Even so, I need to be going. Â I don’t know if any of this made sense, and I’m sure there’s more I could say, I just can’t think straight right now…
Thanks for reading…
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2 comments
Hey Toren, welcome to SP. You don’t sound mean; a lot of people here find it somewhat comforting to know that they aren’t alone in how they’re feeling. Keep that in mind – you’re not alone in this. You said that your depression came slow at first, and then it just all happened at once. I don’t want to pry, but did something happen to escalate your depression?
I’m sorry your friend is sorta ditching you for the ‘popular’ kids. I understand how that feels. I’d say you sound very introverted, since you said you find it more comfortable to stay in your own world. At the same time you said you feel alone, and that your one good friend is drifting from you. The only way to change that would be to engage with others a bit more. You don’t have to become a social butterfly and you definitely shouldn’t change who you are for other people, but maybe you could talk to someone that you find interesting. If you’d rather not, maybe you could start up a conversation with your mom? Just because you haven’t really ‘said anything’ in a while, doesn’t mean that it can’t be that way again. Plus your mom knows you better than all of those kids you go to school with, so she’d probably be more understanding. The other thing I want to say about school is that after you graduate, you won’t see any of them ever again. Most likely. Unless you make an effort to. Might run into them in a store or something. But high school doesn’t last forever and once you’re finished with it, what happened there doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore.
Anyway, good luck. Maybe you can find someone here to relate to.
Nothing that I can really remember made it escalate so quickly. I think it was just the realization of so many things in such a small time, like realizing my brother might not come home from Afghanistan, that all my siblings have moved out, and like simple stuff that seems obvious but I never really thought of. Not sure that makes much sense but that’s all I can really think of.