The past 5 months have been the most miserable in my entire life. I’ve been through some really horrible things, but nothing compares to how I feel right now. After getting really depressed and having horrible anxiety attacks after my college graduation, I got physically sick, was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder, given anti-depressants that made me extremely ill, attempted suicide and landed in the psych ward. While in the psych ward, my boyfriend at the time completely stopped talking to me. I got out of the hospital, broke up with him, moved out of the country and started a new job, but got really, really depressed again after. I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the hospital, so I can’t really take anti-depressants. My ex and I have been talking and he is making me miserable. I’m so in love with him and he will say he wants to get back together but just ignores and me treats me like shit and lies to me and plays with my emotions. I can’t take the mood swings, the depression. I feel like I’ll never escape. I’m not happy anywhere I go and nothing seems like it can improve. I’ve been miserable for 5 months.
I just want it all to be over. Now.
1 comment
I am so sorry for your suffering. Looks like you’re hitting the bottom of the bottom. I have to say that I really, really admire the guts you’ve shown. You broke up with a guy that you feel connected to, moved to a DIFFERENT COUNTRY (wow!), and got a new job. That takes more courage that I can remember ever having shown in a long time.
I will say that it may be time to cut off the ex for good. He sounds like he’s muddying the water of your possible recovery, sabotaging you in your new place. I don’t know the situation, but that’s consistent with situations like this I’ve seen before. I’m no med-evangelist but there are many of my friends that suffer with BPD that have felt a lot of relief from finding the “right” meds for them. It took a while to lock in the right combination, but they really seem happier and more even. Did ‘group sessions’ help at all while you were in hospital? I found it helped relieve a lot of tension I was holding inside when I was participating.
In any case, thanks for venting to us. Hopefully letting off some steam helps you a bit.