I wrote on here the other day about my life has fallen apart completely. I feel completely hopeless and trapped inside my own head, and in the days since that post, I’ve gotten blackout drunk, stopped taking my bipolar meds and had random anonymous sex 2 nights in a row because I have no other way to escape the way I feel. I hate being sober because all I can do is obsess about how my meds aren’t working, about how I can’t seem to pull it together and find hope in anything, and about how the one person I’ve ever truly loved in life (aside from family) treats me like shit on the bottom of his shoe.
I laid on my bed for an hour, praying that I would fall asleep and not wake up. I can’t see myself living past the age of 25. I’ll be surprised if I live till the end of the year. I wish I was dead, more than anything.