I don’t think anyone on here remembers me other than Duke, but, if you do, I just wanted to give an update. Â I’ve moved back down to Memphis from Philadelphia. Â I was there in the hospital for 5 weeks after trying my damnedest to stick it out in college. Â Things fell apart. Â I was a mess. Â The outlook on my survival was not so hot. Â But I lived through the attempt thank god and ended up in the hospital. Â Mom couldn’t take it anymore after I went to the hospital this last time–it was time # 6–and decided to leave me in the hands of my dad. He rescued me from the hospital before they could send me to a long term facility. Â I came home to Memphis and got a job at a museum here and started up at school part time, rebuilding life. Â I said I wouldn’t come on here anymore but I got really upset tonight and felt like cutting. Â Those who know me know that when I start I can’t stop and it just destroys my entire life, so I came on here instead to distract myself. Â I wrote a lot of poems and talked to a lot of people and am feeling a bit more stable. Â I hope this equilibrium lasts. Â I don’t really trust it…..But I hope…..
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
15 comments
Oh and “me” is Sparkeyes. I changed my username because I forgot it lol.
I think you should change it back to Sparkeyes. Your way too bright to be a ‘tryingsohard’
hahaha but the thing is i a mmmm trying SOO hard. even harder than i used to try. before i had just given up. i’m not tryingsohard in a negative way, I’m tryingsohard in a very very positive way : )
Sometimes you need to put a lot of effort in; things don’t just happen. The trick is to relish the challenge and have things in your life that you can look forward to which are not dependent on your performance or emotional wellbeing because they fluctuate. Take your time and don’t undertake more than you feel comfortable doing. It’s ok to have setbacks, that’s normal and any relapse can be overcome by adopting coping mechanisms that are not based on self harm.
see you’re still here : ) that was a very YOU sounding message. Thank you, I needed that. You know I paid $60 to talk to some person on live person.com who is supposedly a counselor and he didn’t come close to saying anything as helpful as that. I was just freaking out so much I needed to talk. He just told me I need to be my own therapist in my head and talk back to it. But you are right, it is normal to have set backs. They just scare me terribly. I don’t want to end up slipping back where I was. And lose everything I gained…..It is soooo hard building myself up to this point and I just want to keep moving forward
Your not being pushy. I’d like that but this email address is no longer in use. I have another aol account. I usually check this site every day so you can always find me on here. $60, people can pay me in love and kindness; that’s acceptable currency. The best rewards 🙂
ooookay I give in. I just know whatever I write on here everyone can see and I can’t really have a one on one with you. But that’s okay, better than not talking with you at all ; )
Ok, will give you my email but I don’t subscribe to instant messenger or anything.
lol okay! right when i gave in and everything! but that works—how are you going to give it to me without posting it on here though? or wait, email it to me, my email address I used for this screename, the gmail one is still active. the arcadia one isn’t
< There you go
If I don't respond immediately, I'm not ignoring you. Just don't keep on top of my emails these days. Plus I get on average 30 spam emails a day.
thanks duke : ) i just sent you an email……doesn’t your spam folder filter it out? i know aol can be annoying like that–and you have to pay for it on top of that. crazy. just write back whenever you want
It filters about 25%. I think I’m going to have to change it because it’s annoying going through them all.
gmail hasn’t done it to me like aol did. i would look into that if I were you. : )
anyway i’m heading to bed haha. at least i don’t have work in a few hours. the next thing on my agenda is some random schoolwork and then choir practice. write back to my email if you get a chance. i’d love to get talking. but it’s no rush. : ) hope you are well duke.
oh never mind you wrote back!