I think one of the problems i have, is that everything i feel is intense. If i am depressed, I will sink into a hopeless abyss that i can’t get out of, if i am happy (which isn’t often) i will be jumping off the walls. and being super nice and lovely.
Every emotion there is has such an effect on me. I think when it comes down to it, that is why i am SO unhappy all the time, because i am feeling unhappy with my WHOLE body… and i can’t stop it.
I watched a movie recently, called ‘Daydream Nation’, the main character Caroline pretty much described my life. She told of a tiring life of mood swings, being happy and outgoing to being a total zombie that is so depressed she can’t do anything. She pretends to be someone else but deep down she is broken. I really connected with this character, more than any person in my life.
This in a way, gives me hope. It means that other people are like me, that others are suffering like me. I am thankful not being the only one, i don’t know why but it gives me solace.
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It is comforting to know that you’re not alone with this. It’s even more comforting when you’re surrounded by people that are like that; that way you immediately see the comparison. I’m not around enough depressed people so the high contrast depresses me. I see what I don’t have.