I’m tired of being ‘the friend’. Sick and fucking tired of it.
Met a girl at a party. She showed an interest. Asked for my number, gave me hers. Had her hands on me all night, wanted mine on her. Drove her home, got a goodnight kiss. Few days later, made a date. An hour later, she cancelled. Day later, she messaged me that she just wants to be friends.
Have another, loved her the moment I set eyes on her. She knew it too. We’ve been friends for years. She’s told me she loves me, and dreams/fantasizes about me. She tells me how her current BF doesn’t treat her right. Doesn’t touch her. They haven’t had sex in a year, but he jacks off to porn regularly. She tells me how bad it makes her feel. But she’s not going to leave him because they’ve been together for over ten years. So, I’m just the friend.
I have lots of female friends. Virtually all of whom use me as a shoulder to cry on. And I’ve always been there for them, providing support, cheering them up, letting them vent. But I’m always just the friend. I don’t want to hear any more about their relationship issues, their sex lives, the problems they’re having finding a partner. Not when I’m always just the friend, and sit here alone. Especially not when they all seem to say that I shouldn’t have a problem finding anyone, that I have the qualities that women look for. Of course… they mean other women. Not themselves. Never themselves. And then they go on some more about the guys who are treating them badly, or wondering why they can’t find someone, or telling me how all men are the same and they’re all horrible people.
So fuck it. I can’t take being just ‘the friend’ to every woman I meet. I want to die.
3 comments
Hey Outtatime,
Just wanted you to know that i read your other posts as well. You are not mentally ill my dear….not imo…you are emotionally ill. Ever hear of psychosomatic illness? This is not to say that you have not created real issues for yourself…or that you don’t suffer damage from your life experience…or that the environment and science may not play a part in your suffering…I mean who the hell really knows eh?
But your mind is what controls your pain. How do I know this…because although this is not a game of one upmanship…I can definitely top your story…if only because I am older and have suffered longer. Actually that is not completely true…I actually started to learn how to live my life…control my pain…and gain more control over my emotions. Now I can feel lots of other things besides pain, fear, loneliness, anger etc. etc. etc. I can feel love, joy, wonder, awe, hope, etc. etc. etc.
Don’t give your power away by blaming others…they are just struggling to get through as well…use your power to be a “better” you. If you can. If you can’t…then I wish you peace no matter what…because I do understand.
I have suffered from melancholia since birth…as well as many, many other “disorders”. I tried to commit suicide for the first time before the age of 4. And many, many times after that. By the time I was 39 and made my LAST attempt…I had managed to almost finish me…and was told in December 2000 that I had less than 6 months to live. I had an NDE in Jan. 01…and the rest is history. Man was I pissed when I first came back into this body…and the first thing that overwhelmed me was the physical pain. So I get the physical pain. I have also had no luck with relationships…and was the victim of domestic abuse over and over again. But that is what i felt like…a victim. Now I understand that it was merely a form of self-abuse…but more acceptable…people felt sorry for me…ahhhh…lol. I am currently single and for once…satisfied with that for awhile…cuz it’s now all about me. Until I fix me…I have nothing to offer anyone anyway…do I?
I have also had rafts of professional help so to speak….and diagnosis up the wazoo…but it turns out…nothing wrong with me…I just hated myself….sigh. Good thing I got over myself eh?
Here if you want to talk
Amakua
don’t expect to get anywhere trying to be helpful and a friend to a woman, if you are looking for more than that you need to let them know right away. you not around because you got nothing better to do,if your going to help don’t expect anything in return other than thanks.
What the hell do I know, but this reminds me of “nice guys finish last”. On the other hand, forget these moronic women that you have as friends, they sound useless. You need to find a decent woman who appreciates you.
Failing that try being a total bastard for a few months. I.e. chat to a girl – because you know, you’ve got nothing else to do at the party – tell her she’s ugly and to fuck off and leave you alone because you’ve got 5 other ‘bitches’ all after you or whatever it is that ‘tough guys’ say and then the next day go round and tell her you feel like a quick fuck and that she can piss off straight after. Actually, reading that back over, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. Just find a nice girl. They are out there I believe.