I am…

Before my son killed himself, he lost all sense of himself. He was a genius–really, not just a mom pumping him up. Plus, he was incredibly nice, loyal, and handsome–the whole damn package. But he got depressed and he saw himself in this horribly wrong and distorted way, and it was clinical depression that caused this. I sense that is what is happening with you. Get some treatment, get some help, and this will begin to lift. Then, when you are healthy, if you still don’t like some elements of your personality, then tackle these one at a time. I tell people all the time: dhow do you eat an elephant…one bite at a time. Yes, it’s a gross analogy, but it’s what I think you need. Tackle one thing at a time, starting with getting some good help–talk therapy, antidepressants if appropriate. By the way. we all have crap we don’t like about ourselves. So what…that’s part of being human. Please get some help. I want you to find inner peace and happiness, and I promise you this is possible. Finally, if you really are suicidal, please say that word to the people ho can help you. I have an understanding and perspective that few others have–my son did kill himself, and I never imagined this would be possible. I needed to hear him say, “Mom, I have had thoughts of killing myself.” My response would have been entirely different and he might still be in my life. PLEASE PLEASE get help for yourself.