i quit whats the point anymore

iam in a dark place and have been for a while. no one is here for me and i should have known that i have been alone my whole life my life is horrible i am 26 and went through 4 years of daily sexual abuse when i was young. when i told someone later in life my own mother excused what i went through by saying we were just kids and he didn’t know better. now he lives with my mother, its all supposed to be ok because he said he was sorry and said someone was doing it to him. my childhood other than that includes being beaten by my father forced to sleep outside with my mother.i watched my father try to kill my mother one night i was 6 he barely missed he shot about 2 inches from her head. my father was an alcholoic he believes that i am not his, he has told me several times hes not my dad told me who was. he will not give me a dna test of course, my mother deneys all of it the guy he says is my dad was shot in the head and died so i will never know. i have been through hell my whole life. i now suffer from adrenal cancer and a pituitary gland brain tumor. enough is enough i think. about 7 months ago i was talked into trying meth for the first time i only used twice when cps was at my door. june 28 has been the worst day of my life. they took my kids away and i go to classes and counseling for using drugs and everytime i have been tested i pass. now keep in mind my girls were my life i went everywhere with them and was never without them. i wouldnt let them go anywhere i wanted them by me so i could protect them. now, i get to see my babies once a week for a hour. and get to talk to them maybe twice a week. let me tell you the sad part about that, my own blood sister has them she prevents me from everything. for the first time i couldnt spend thanksgiving with my girls because i got into a arguement with my sisters husband then she showed those text to the caseworker and said i was unstable. so now of course the cps agency believes that i am. so i really have to watch what i say or do. feeling like this and not being able to tell anyone and get help is hard. i quit. i cant fight this miserable life anymore. no matter all the good i do, the negative stuff happens to me. if something bad is possible for me it will always be bad. so i learned to never think positive and i realize that when my mother says i love you it is meaningless. i have no one and i never have. so why fight anymore. thanks for listening