I would like to hear from the abused, both physically and mentally, typically by parents/family.
I want to know if anyone else is experiencing the similar pain as I do? Do you get the tendency to cut yourself? Did the dreams and life you were carrying die inside of you and do you have to carry the corpse around? Do you have to wake up every morning, dead?
14 comments
No…but I chose to for a long time…does that count? Actually I woke up and went outside. Then I put a turkey in the oven….cleaned my kitchen…trimmed my Xmas branch…took the garbage out…went to the creek…logged on here.
What have you done this morning so far? And that my love is the difference between giving in and giving up…..and suceeding to spite them all…hahaha
How close are you to being able to leave home? Just curious.
Peace
Amakua
I’m so close to leaving home. To leave this trap. So close, so near.
Yet so out of reach.
Hey Hogpotter…do you always talk in riddles? Or am I just slow?
I left home at 15 myself…so how can you be so close and yet so out of reach? Sorry, I’m having trouble with that analogy.
Amakua
Hello Amakua,
You know, take example of some object you desire so much. It lies there inside the glass case of the shop. It’s so close to you, that you can reach out and touch the glass, but just the glass, not the object itself. So close, yet so out of reach.
Hey maybe that is why I am currently learning patience…I would just grab a hammer, smash the glass…and run like hell. Hmmm…maybe not so bad an analogy after all.
Okay I understand…but that is an emotional response…I find a touch of practical takes you a long way. Yes I was an abandoned, abused child. I just chose to leave childish things behind…very young. Now that I am old…I have finally learned to really play. I wasn’t robbed of my childhood…I let them take it…but now I have it back. So what do you plan to do to try to make your situation better? Sorry but I don’t know your story.
Peace
Amakua
ummm. physically and mentally abused as a kid. started cutting recently (many years after)…..
not sure i can help anyone. but ya – i get what you are saying.
Yes I understand you to well. I’m scared. I really need answers at a time like this. If you could please ready my story.
Abused in many ways… but it started when I was young and the sexual abuse ended only recently when my father got caught and sent to prison. Im a guy. So yeah…
Physical and mental abuse still from my mother. Not sure what to do about it cuz i used to fight my dad when he would try stuff, but i cant hit my mom back you know?
I cut all the time, to the point where its not even a big deal anymore.
I had dreams. Big ones. But yes, like you said, my dreams are now gone.
When I wake up, I dont feel dead however. I feel angry. I feel hopeless. I feel alone. But unfortunately im not dead yet.
Thank you everyone for the responses…
Anytime. How are you hogpotter?
I have not had any suicidal thoughts lately. Instead I feel happy. This is a huge improvement, seeing my life is still as pissy as ever.
Well, gee that’s great! Any tips for the rest of us or more like a random mood change?
I think it’s just some random mood change… Which is randomly random because I really can’t explain it… like I just discovered some new strength in me. But the important thing is it’s good, I haven’t had anymore thoughts of cutting or being depressed or crying.
And hey actually I just realized that, I had not cried in 3 days 🙂
Good for you! I recently got out of a physically abusive relationship with my boyfriend/fiancee of 5 yeas. I thought I was so strong and independent for finally leaving him. but now stupid me I want him back.. I long for him and cry myself to sleep. I havent cut but I’ve been smoking like a chimney.. the nightmares are truly the worst. constantly running and hiding.. getting murdered.. guns pointed at my head.. praying and pleading to live. so ironic that when I wake up I simply want to die.. I dont know how ill ever get over this. I feel like I made a wrong decision in leaving my abuser as I was happier with him than I am now..