I found myself revamping my suicide note without realising it. I had written one in summer last year, but it was horrible; I couldnt translate how I was feeling properly, and also write it so my family could understand.
I had a best friend Katie, she was suicidal at one point and I thought she was just looking for attention. Im one of those horrible people who dont believe things until I experience it myself, we’ll call it a learning curve.
I was horrible to her, I always have been; people who love me have always been my outlets…
Its a shame though because I really love her. I only love two people. I stopped talking to her recently because of all my depression; she finally has her life back on track, I am scared I will only burden her. I want her to be happy, I haven’t been the best friend she deserves.
I regret a lot of things in my life. But sitting here thinking of my death, I can only think of Katie and my mother. It makes death feel unobtainable, and thats all I really want at this point, ushering me into an all time low. I just feel like I seriously need help, and yet From the outside looking in I know I dont deserve help. I’m a horrible person.
5 comments
You’re not a horrible person. You are suffering from mental illness and you need help.
if you don’t do anything else – apologize to katie – i think she’ll appreciate that you acknowledge her experience … i had a similar situation with an old friend who used to complain of his back injury and the constant pain – i couldn’t grasp his condition and basically called him a liar … until i suffered a similar fate … i’e since apologized – i feel better, he feels validated and all is well between us … at least if i should exit, that bit of business has been handled and put far behind … and i learned the lesson to not prejudge anyone’s situation no matter how it ‘seems” or appears
loose ends dawg
hi
even i am one of those people like you who don’t believe in things until i experience it on my own
listen dear if you really feel that you are not good with people who love you then you really need to change yourself my dear.because if you don’t do that then you will definetly loose katie.so just try to be good with her and i don’t know what to say to you….
thats true, you should apologise. i apologised even hurt, it was her who was wrong, but for love and not wanting to lose her and by acknowledging she would never understand me, i did instead. It hurt me bad she didnt get my point but just made me realise that thats humans, and theyre imperfect and even your bestfriend can be so the same as you and no matter how much of your life she knows. I know things will never be the same, because i dont feel i can trust her enough again and at least, if i go, i know that part is clean.
its not enough to say yes i understand, its only enough when you truly understand. put on the others’ shoes…
I think you should tell her