My family told me 2 days ago. Two days ago was my birthday. Well, my family were the only one who congratulated me in person, the one I love just send a SMS, well she wanted to go ice-skating with me on my birthday, my family hold me back from meeting her. Got no friends who congratulated me in person. 🙁 All I recognized is that she went to lunch with an other guy, after all the weekends we ate together. I don’t know why this makes me so sick and jealous. It is now nearly one year ago that she rejected me.
All I learned since those 10 months is that I have big issues dealing with people, maybe one reason why I got zero friends to go out with. I got so much problems with myself and I really want to get rid of them, but I don’t know how to. I don’t have any self-confidence, also one reason why I feel so worse around others. I tried to feel good, but I didn’t succeded a bit in feeling better, but my live is going pretty well. I am at a good health. I am studying engineering at a well known university. My grades are good enough. I should be happy. But…. I am not. This loves kills me at the moment. I can’t let her go, because she is the only “friend” I’ve got.
I really want to jump out of my window, but I am too terrified of death.
Sometimes I imagine how it would be too leave Germany and go somewhere else. In the end it will always be the same. I will be the same freak as here and stay alone and feel alone. So no use in leaving this city behind.
I would like to have a heart attack right now, theres an illness called broken heart, but my feelings or myself are not good enough too just let my heart stop beating. Man I want to disappear right now. Right now.
I want to be normal, or strong enough to stay alone, but I am not strong nor normal. Fuck it….
Well then, I wish myself a lot of strength to go through this coming year. I will really need it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! 🙂
(I became a weird guy :/)
6 comments
maybe_soon_500_days_of_you,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
Hey life stinks don’t it!!! well your not alone everyone on here is fucking unhappy! it’s the unhappy club!!! jk hey you live in germany? such good english, i watch ww2 documentries all the time.a lot of history in that country.
Happy birthday
Now you’ll have two extra imaginary balloons, one is red and smiles and second is blue and smiles too.and together they wish you very merry b’day.
Your English is so good! I always thought Germany was paradise. I mean if you nseezed, strangers said gesundheit. When I hit the glass door, the men I thought would harm me were so scared. Here you’ll be left alone.
I think you’re normal. You made it to university 😮 vau! And well sometimes we just are alone. Its not you the problem if we all feel lonely and there’s so many of us feeling that.
thx rocketman, yeah ww2 is somehow interesting but those time were raelly dark times for germany
Saph,
I know germany is a great country! and I am thankful for living here. You can live under best conditions, but without real friends or a healthy mind…. life sucks a lot.
There are a lot of countrys in this world were live is much harder then here…
Easier to say it of course as outsider. Sorry. But it’s nice when the cashier says hello and goodbye. You feel like person. I understand 🙁
maybe_soon_500_days_of_you ,
Yes they were dark times but a lesson well learned by the world I hope! It wasn’t only Germany that was dark. The important thing is treat people with dignity and respect otherwise things can get out of hand and that goes for anyone. I’m of Italian descent.
Happy birthday!
It´s nice to have you here. No you didn´t became weird … I know how it is to feel so lonely and empty, but I hope it`ll get better…
I wish you much strength and if you´d like you can write me! I´d love to ´cause I´m from Germany, too! I hug you.
just a little fairy…