So, last year around my birthday (which is November 3rd), I became severely depressed. I told my mom about all of this, and she took me straight to my doctor. I was put on depression meds. Ive gotten so depressed that ive cut myself, and i want to kill myself.I can’t tell anyone, because if I get put in a hospital or something, my dad will find out and take me away and make me live with him in New York. Anyways, I want to kill myself because i feel like I’m a waste of space and life would be better for everyone else if I wasn’t here. I’ve just started homeschooling because kids picked on me so bad, they called me stupid, whore, b*tch, And especially anorexic.. Im not anorexic, but everyone says I am all because I’m not as big as anyone else at my school. Sh*t like that gets to me, but I’m trying to toughen up, and not let that stuff hurt me anymore. I usually don’t date girls, but I’ve been dating this girl named Erica, and we’ve been together for 10 months. We get into fights so much, but I love her to much to leave her. I get anxiety really bad when I even just think about her,, my heart beats really fast when I hear her name, I’m really in love with her, but sometimes, I just want to leave her. She causes me a lot of stress, too. Lately she told me that she was thinking about cheating, after that, I lost all trust for her.. I’m trying to gain the trust back, but we got into a huuuge fight last night, and I’m still crying just thinking about what she said.. The last thing she told me was to never talk to her again.. I’m really hurt by this. Shes one of the reasons I want to kill myself, so she won’t have to deal with me, because she doesn’t like the depressed me. I just hate my life so much, I’m loosing all of my friends because I don’t talk to anyone anymore.. My mom saw my wrists andd I promised her I would never cut myself ever again,I’m not sure how long I can keep this promise up. I really want to kill myself because of my dad. I grew up with him and my mom, and he promised me he was gonna come down here in Virginia to live with me and my mom. He never came. He just divorced my mom and found a new wife in 2 months. I hate his new wife. She doesnt like me at all. She’s a b*tch. And a year later, they had a baby. I felt like dad totally forgot about me. I feel like since he has a new kid, he don’t care about me anymore. I feel like he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m hoping I can find someone who know how this feels..
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2 comments
You have had it rough. Sorry about all of the above. I think you should leave the girl. The reason being that she is messing with your head, causing you stress, making you worse and feel worse. Drop her like she is hot.
You cant keep all this inside. I was where you were a few months back, I am lucky enough to be in college so I went to the free therapist who keep it all confidential, but I was like you, I became anti social, lost my firends, started having problems with girls.
You have to deal with it now, or it will snowball on you.
Are you a girl or a boy? i ask because you can express yourself sp clearly and you talk about your emotions, something I can rarely do.
Hope you are feeling better.
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Ruins
I’m a girl. I’m really scared to break up with this girl because right now she is one of the only friends I have left. I’m not sure how I could go on without her, ya know? But tonight, I’m just hoping I’ll go to sleep and never wake up because, I was a little messed up last night and I said some pretty mean things to her and now she won’t forgive me. All of her friends are telling her to leave me, and she’s not being nice to me at all,, I can tell she wants to leave. And, my doctor is trying to get me a councilor, buy I’ve been waiting for my doctor to get me a councilor for 2 months. And I talk to my mom about absolutely everything, but I’m afraid to tell her I wanna kill myself. I’m scared she’s gonna put me in a hospital. My mom is my best friend, I feel like I should tell her, but I just cant. I don’t have the guts to tell her.