Russian roulette

I am going to try it xs I’ve felt weak for more than a year now. I’m done fighting xs I already lack the skin on my arm. Might just as well continue..

I can’t call someone xs i’ve lost the only person I ever trusted xs I already tried to contact the person I would except to help me and you know what the response was? ‘Ruben, Not now, I’m with matthias…’ (transelated from dutch that is) I didn’t have anyone else to run to xs

I’m just so fucking alone xs I’ve officially lost the only person I’ve ever truly loved , I ever truly trusted xs I just don’t know what to do without her xs I fell in love with her yes, and I got rejected a long time ago, but I thought we could at least be friends xs She helped me out of a depression in which I nearly killed myself xs And now she just doesn’t ‘have the time’ for me anymore xs Why? Because she has a boyfriend a jealous boyfriend xs I’ve seen this comming from miles away but still I am hurt beyond the point of healing, beyond the point of wanting to fight xs I don’t want to live xs She’s on my school, he’s on my school. When I go back at school monday they’ll be there being all happy and couple-ish. And I’ll be alone and wanting to kill myself. I just want to cut it short and do it tonight xs

no, I’ve posted three times and I’ve been lurking around for a while now, don’t ask me why xs I guess you can see which posts I made by clicking my name? xs I just really broke down now xs

I don’t really want to die. I just don’t feel any other way of feeling better anymore xs Since i’ve been suicidle since I was ten I don’t really see why age matters (I’m 16 now). I’ve found the strength to stop carving in my arm for some reason xs It’s nice in a sick way to see other people also having tried this and understanding it xs I’m still shaking and I’m afraid to go to bed (which I should its nearly 4 am) xs

Thanks, I won’t. You’ve convinced me somehow xd I love you both for this xs And I do agree there is something about this site which is different then all the other suicide sites. I guess it’s the people acitvily trying to help you no matter what the time , no matter what the problem xs
In a way it’s to late, I’ve cut my arm and i’ll hate myself for it xs especially if one of the people on school notices xs i’ll have to make up a bullshit story about cats attacking or somethin :/

I’ve heard from people that try to help me that I have quite a weird way of wording things yes 🙂 For chat, Skype? My email adress on there is ruben.mertens666@hotmail.com but I don’t use that one for emailing, If you want to email just use @gmail.com instead ^^

Yes, I know there are but I mostly have a hard time to relate to teens strangely xd Most people I can really relate to are strangely 24 years old xd I guess it’s just that I notice the ones with age 24 more because i can relate to them more xd