What was left of my future, I lost today.

I’m 20 years old, and I lost the remaining part of my future today. I will be a college dropout.
Bullied till I was 10, being about 16 was probably the best time of my life, but did not realise it and blew it.
Had tons of friends and potential girlfriends, but noticed it too late nor did I care.
The bullying left it”s scar, making it very hard for me to let somebody take a peek inside.

For now, I never had a girlfriend, never knew what true love was, until last year.
After growing some balls for months, I tried to start a conversation with her.
She ignored me, it destroyed me inside, it  scarred me.
My only sexual relationship was two years ago, lasted one day and was based on a lie. 

For some reason I’m born a sasquatch, so I spend atleast two hours shaving my chest, belly, shoulders and back every two days.
My dad sees me as a  failure, even calls me like that atleast fifty times a day, along with the remainder of the insults.
Being born with a bad spine, physical demanding work is impossible for me.

I don’t have any intrests, I don’t enjoy many things. I hate my family. Alcohol is my relieve.
My mom gave me the chance to study, I passed high school. I saw college as a spark of light.

Most of the people I met are idiots, the only people I hang with are the ones I knew in high school.
Grade wise I’m failing misserably. On my first year I failed three classes, two I managed to fix.
The spark dimmed slightly, but was not gone.
Today I recieved the results of the first semester of my second year.
I failed five out of six classes, My dad will force me to drop college if I tell him
the spark is dead.

My dad and the bullies were right.
Ill end up as a bum, kicked out by his parents.
I’ll better be off dead, trying to find painless methods to kill myself.
Preferably in the middle of nowhere, never to be found.
I just wish a metor would drop on me, right here, right now.