I hate being gay. When is enough enough?

I don’t mean to sound whiny, but I hate living on this planet. I want to disappear and never come back because I wasn’t meant to be here. I fantasize about suicide often, and recently have had an urge to begin planning. I’m homosexual. I’ve realized that’s never going to change. I’ve known since I was 7. So here I am, 17 years old and realize now that I’ll have to spend the rest of my life hiding and lying to the people I love about who I am, and never be accepted or feel like I belong in this world because of my sexuality. Either that, or I could lie and be unhappy…no. I just want to kill myself. That’s it. I think about it everyday, how nice it will be when I’m gone. No more worries my deep, dark secret will ever jeopardize my security or sense of belonging. And seriously, who wants to spend time around someone as morbid and depressed as me? I have no friends. No one to talk to about my death wish. To feel hated by so many people for something as visceral as my sexuality is the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I read somewhere nearly a third of all suicides happen among homosexuals and I can’t help but think I’d just be another gay suicide freak statistic. At the same time, no one even knows about me, so the only way people would find out is if I wrote it in a suicide note. It’s like trying to fight against something you know you’ll never conquer or worse yet, wanting something you know you’ll never have. Something I’m constantly reminded of and it’s driving me insane. Hence why I’m here talking about how I want to kill myself. Who does that? Anyway, my problem is insidious as I find myself lying more and more…even though I’m supported financially by my parents, I feel so unsupported because because I’ll never be accepted by them or the world and I’ll always have this terrible, debilitating internal strife and conflict, like a thousand voices yelling at me even though I’m alone in a room.