Alone

Feelings are so strange.

I never know how I’m going to feel. Sometimes when you’d expect me to be happy, I just feel like laying down and crying.

Sometimes when I’m surrounded by a group of friends I feel so alone.

I hate it.

If I had to choose the predominate feeling of my life it would be loneliness. And it’s ridiculous because I’m surrounded by people, people that I love, almost all the time. I know I’m not alone and yet I’m somehow disconnected from the group.

There’s some unseen barrier between me and them and all I want to do is get through it.

Knock it down forever.

But I don’t know where to begin,

I don’t even know why it’s there or where it came from.

I wonder if everyone knows it’s there or if it’s all in my head.

I wonder if they really do accept me and want me to be with them and I just think they don’t for some reason.

I don’t know why I feel so rejected all the time. Sometimes I’m so sure that I’m imagining it all, that everyone really does let me in, and so I tell myself that I’m stupid for feeling alone and apart.

I wonder if everyone feels this way.

Or am I alone in feeling alone?