How Do I Keep It Away?

I was happy. I really was. But now I’m starting to feel bad again. It didn’t take long. It’s like I want to cry, like my body misses being sad. Maybe I’m just scared. I am scared. Any person would be a little scared, right? But I’m not a little scared. I’m really scared. I’m scared that something’s gonna happen again, and it’s all gonna come crashing down. I mean, maybe I should give up on him. What do you think? I’ll give you a list of why I think I should, and why I think I shouldn’t.

Why I should

• He keeps staring at me
• I really want to
• He was flirting with me in the band room before
• He did say “Thank you” when I gave him that gift bag
• I know that he liked me last semester
• I got bored, took some quizzes, and they all said that he does like me
• I want to go after something that I want for once
• It doesn’t make sense for him to flirt with me, then say thanks, then to be a jerk. Unless he’s bipolar, which I don’t think he is.

Why I shouldn’t

• Kendall and Emily said that he did say all those mean things
• He’s a bit of a mean person sometimes
• I’m scared
• Quizzes aren’t always right
• I was probably wrong about last semester
• I’m not very brave
• Um, what am I supposed to do anyway? I’ve had one boyfriend. For two days. And he asked me out. I have no experience with boys.
• I get way too nervous around him
• I take that back, I can at least talk to him now.
• He never texted me
• Something feels right yet wrong about going after him
• He has a girlfriend
• My friend likes him
• My friend also has a boyfriend and can fuck off
• Sorry, had to say it.

So, yeah. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should just be content in loneliness. I don’t know. I need some help. Seriously. I mean, what do you guys think? Do you think he likes me? If you need some more info to determine it, I’ll give it to you, but will you tell me what you think? And if you think he doesn’t, just say so. I’d rather get the pain over with now, rather than later.