I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how to live my life anymore. Everything is so fake. I had to live almost eleven years hiding the fact that he harasses me, trying to rape me every chance he had. and I got through it for myself.
I try to be a better person but still feel that no one understands. Everyone tells me why I’m not happy? How do they want me to smile if I live with the constant reminder of what he did to me.
She say I’m weird, I should live somewhere else, not at home with my brothers infecting them whit my misery.
And even though I try to help my mother in everything I can, I see clearly how much she loves my brothers… and how different she is with me.
what I do not understand of all this, it’s like sometimes when she drinks she says that she knows what happened to me, what he did to me. But How can she know? and most importantly why she didn’t do anything to help me? Does she hate me? How does anyone expect me to live this life of hypocrisy another day?